When tragedy befalls me and someone says, "Better you than me," I always reply, "Yes, I am better than you.
I’m like a tree frog when it comes to birthdays. Basically, my thoughts on birthdays can be summed up in two words: tree and frog.
If my name were Nubby Blues, I wouldn't be a jazz musician, I'd be a disabled Vietnam vet on welfare.
I drink special water, because not all water is equal. Some water is smarter and taller and more handsome than other water.
I’m as deadly as a marine, when compared to marine plant life. It took lots of water, sunlight, and standing still to get this badass.
He wouldn’t even understand dry wit if you dropped him off in the desert with a canteen full of sand and a Sandberg poem.
Women love to talk. I'll bet Van Gogh had a woman. And I'll bet she talked his ear off.
I don’t care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% of the female population).
Certain words roll off the tongue like frozen balls of saliva. Words like sure, positive, and definite—you know, words that are certain.
In hospitality, people vacation where you live. And so when I stay home from work it’s like a double vacation.
You make me sick. I think I’ll have to call out of work on your account. Or have that account closed.
I want to write an unreliable narrator. In fact, he’ll be so unreliable that I’m not even sure he’ll show up to narrate.
I don't sit on material like a sofa. I also don't sit on material like a sofa. I’m a stand on the couch kind of writer.
The country with the most writers is ironically probably the country with the least readers—USA. And once my parents die, my entire reading base will disappear.
It’s Wednesday, and I just made a fresh batch of Thursdays. Buy one while they’re still hot! They go on sale Friday.
I know it’s not your birthday, but would you like some birthday dick? It’s on sale today.
I was a VP of marketing, I was regional sales manager in fashion, and marketing director in communications and product development. I was always a corporate Fortune 500 girl.
Basically, you're selling a world as an actor, right? I mean it's like any sales person: if you believe in your product, you know your product, you sell it a lot better.
Social media has shaken up the world of sales, with Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter offering new ways to hound leads and unprecedented insights into clients.
I don't pay that much attention to sales figures or awards. To me, the big question is: 'Did you influence the next generation?' That's my goal.
The reality is, I've started multiple companies, so actually I'm probably more of a product/creative person than I am sales. Although I can do both.
