Quotes of: Sales Keyword

I ran a few miles, Davis, and they were musical. Then I made love like the sound of a trumpet, as heard by Helen Keller.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I always thought I’d make a great backup singer. I don’t practice. It’s just pure talent.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My legs are so skinny they’re like arms on a clock. And the stars are like 1-12, if you subtract infinity from the sky first.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Her name was Janice, but I called her Jan because she was born in December—just like Chris T. 

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My nostrils smell, but not to you. Oh, they have no odor, unless you count the scent of nostalgia, which is what they always smell like.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

What you’d call stealing, I’d call a mistake. Or, if I were a politician, I’d call it an opportunity, and my privilege.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

He has one of the worst personalities. Actually, you can’t call it a personality, since he acts more like an animal than a person.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The picture is bad because the photographer was poor. I took the picture myself, and you can clearly tell I have no money.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part of an attack is the planning.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ll steal the letter X, and replace it with treasure. So sex would then be spelled setreasure, but it’d still be just as pleasurable.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’d Poe’s nude for the approval of a dead poet. No names come to mind, but I’m sure there must be one I’d get naked for.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I sell black markers on the black market. I am personally responsible for 50% of all truck stop urinal poetry.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I watch my feet as I walk along. Left, right, left, right, why is everything about politics?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Hardly anybody tells the truth these days. For the truth I have to go to Washington DC, and whatever a politician says, interpolate the opposite.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I want to keep politics out of my breakfast. Politics isn’t something I want in my eggs, no matter how scrambled I like them.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Is it any wonder that war is senseless? It’s started by politicians. As a class, politicians have no class, and even less sense.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I stayed up all night making love—to myself. That reminds me, I need to buy some more Jell-O and political biographies.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Would you mind terribly if instead of serving desert, I masturbated quietly at the dinner table? I’m training for Congress.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

How to grow up slowly and secretly, not all at once like lunch in a condom, that is the essence of politics. But I don’t vote for dicks.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Like a spy, I planted a bug. Like a farmer, I watched it grow into a politician that more than half the people chose not to step on.

This Book is Not FOR SALE