In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children. Barely. But that’s one bad thing that’s actually a good thing.
He was an introverted kid, so I didn’t send him to his room as punishment. No, I took him to a party.
When I was a kid, I was just a boy. But that all changed by my 18th birthday. No longer a kid, I was a full-fledged goat.
The best part about having children is being able to point at them and proudly proclaim, "Hey, I made those.
Her message was short: “Any kids?” So I wrote, “Sure. But it might take me a few tries to get you pregnant.
I talked to a mother of nine last night, and I thought, “Nine is nine years too young to be a mother.
When I think about all the thinking I’ve done, I get sleepy, like a coffee-colored bear.
I drink hot coffee in the summer, and iced coffee in the winter. I’m a contrarian, and contrary to popular belief I'm not a sellout. I rent.
I think Starbucks would go out of business if more people were to Superglue their eyelids open when they felt tired.
I want instant coffee at the snap of my fingers that gives me more energy than that generated by a million snaps.
I don’t need a coffee cup. That’s what hands were invented for. That’s also why I don’t need sex.
I love letting her know how much she means to me. A love in secret is but a shadow that’s cold and lonely.
A crime scene is a silent witness that speaks louder and clearer than any human. Just ask Helen Keller.
Generally, competition is a good thing. But not when it’s between two nipples, specifically mine, over which one can suck the most.
There’s always something to talk about, even if you talk about how there is nothing to talk about. Of course, I’m talking about love.
Courage comes in many forms. One of them is the ability to run at high speeds while wearing adult diapers.
I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights.
I don’t want to step on anybody’s toes, particularly not mine. Especially not when I am dancing alone.
A Dragon Rose is a flying flower that breathes fire. A relationship isn’t truly a romance if there isn’t a tiny element of danger involved.
The most dangerous flower is one that grows on a grave. Everybody in its vicinity is dead. That’s why I hand-picked it for my mother-in-law.
The darkness has ink eyes, and if you stare long enough, you’re going to see it blink black. That’s the moment to start writing.
