The reason we talk with the same part of the body we eat with is because if we tried to eat with our ears, and I have tried, then we would naturally have to have tongues in our ears. And most people, myself excluded, hate having tongues in their ears...
I just ate at a new McDonald’s franchise, and it was great. Everything looked new, including the food. Apparently fast food will look new for years, sort of like plastic. I wonder if the toys in Happy Meals are more edible than the meals themselves...
Rollie Fingers called. He wants his fingers back. And his mustache. Too bad I sold them to 1969 to buy some free love. Wait, if it was free, why did I buy it? 1969 ripped me off!
I have so many friends I couldn’t even count them on one hand—not even if I had six fingers. Now, if I had seven fingers, I could count on them, but I still wouldn’t be able to count on my friends.
I lean on my friends for support. It’s better than leaning on a crutch, because your friends won’t accuse you of chugging down all the water out of the goldfish bowl. My friends know I have a drinking problem.
They say there are 7 billion people on earth. I don't know what accountant came up with that number, but in my humble opinion, they might have been off by at least a dozen. You see, my and my friends were hiding during the count.
I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping.
There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't.
Meatloaf is meatloaf is not a true statement. You can have gravy on top, ketchup on top, and don’t forget you can also have love on top--however, you must understand that I would do anything, but I won’t do that.
Sometimes a symbol holds more power than the thing it represents. Like the symbol for Thing, the one I created that is confusing and abstract and makes people ask, What is that thing? And I always reply, “If you already knew, why did you ask?
I’m so paranoid that everyone starts to look like everyone. I convince myself I’m a con named Vince. My lips are thin and tight, but my tongue is broad and loose. I’m taking my secrets to your grave, after I put you there.
One day Orafoura and I were walking along and I turned and said, "I wish I could capture the weather in a bottle." Without looking at me he said, "You can capture rain in a bottle. Some people call that water.
I’d say my writing voice is original, and I don’t think you’ll find another quite like it. This makes me sad, because when all my clones arrive sometime in the future, their only hope is to try to copy me.
A trophy isn’t about the hardware, the gold-painted statue mounted on marble, it’s about the recognition of excellence. A trophy is a physical representation of the abstract concepts of hard work and dedication. And that’s precisely why I don�...
Orafoura, The Mythical Mr. Boo, and Love made flesh walk into a bar, and the bartender asks, “What’ll it be, fellas?” Orafoura replies, “Love.” The Mythical Mr. Boo says, “Hate.” And Love made flesh says, “I agree with both these guys...
I won’t tell you my name, but I will give you a number that describes me: 4. One a 1-10 scale, I love you like my numerical identity.
Of all the smiths from goldsmiths to John Smiths, the most powerful is the wordsmith, because he can influence your emotions and cognitions. And while you are standing there pondering what he said, he can rob you of your gold and your identity.
In five years I want to go equally as far as I have come in the last five years. No, farther. Five years ago I embarked on a journey that led me to this point, so five years from now I’d like to be six years older.
Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing what you can discover about someone by watching them when they don’t know you are watching, especially if they are asleep.
My father taught me the most important thing about wisdom—that I was going to have to acquire it from other people. So without teaching me, he taught me how to learn from others.
The moveless man moves along like the mist. The mist doesn’t hide, but all things are hidden in it—including the fog. Love is the only thing that moves the moveless man, and he hasn't the foggiest clue why his eyes get misty when he thinks of her...
