Quotes of: Sales-tax Keyword

Of all the fish, in all the bars in the world, she had to not walk into mine. Maybe my love isn’t evolved enough for her.

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I make love like a stampede of camels running down the hallway of the 14th floor of a hotel. That’s also known as hyperbole—and the 13th floor.

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The phone book shouldn’t be arranged alphabetically, but by height. Guess how tall my love for you is. That’s right—taller than Goliath!

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I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it because I’m thirsty, and I’ll ask for a straw.

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He works for the CIA. Johnny Redyellow is his name, but I just simply call him Agent Orange.

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To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: Free TV with purchase of potato chips and couch.

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If an actor’s neither talented nor handsome, what difference is there between him and any other waiter? That reminds me, my drink needs refilling.

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I just bought some long-lasting deodorant. You know, for the afterlife. Eternity is a long time to have stinky armpits.

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Right now is the youngest I’ll ever be, so I suppose I’d better act immature while I still can.

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As the ice melted, we fell in love—slowly. I just wish the ice were in two glasses of vodka, and not surrounding our bodies.

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I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is.

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My hands will get dirty holding your rose-like heart, because love is like gardening—it’s earthy and takes work to keep it alive.

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I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them.

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There’s nothing special about politicians as people. Now as animals, they’d be extraordinary for their ability to be intelligent enough (barely) to be potty trained.

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Stupidity mixed with arrogance mixed with anger mixed with adrenaline is a deadly combination. Just as deadly as adding fries and a soda and making it a combo meal.

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If I could go back in time, I'd love to whisper sweet nothings in Van Gogh's ear, but not while it was attached to his head.

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Chivalry, stimulating conversations, everything is said to be a lost art nowadays. But nothing is a lost art, unless it’s a sunken statue—in a river of lava.

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It’s very hard to whisper in your own ear. Love is an art, but as an artist, I guess I’m no Van Gogh.

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A blank canvas is so abstract that only imagination can fill it. But wait! Don't hang it on the wall like that. It's upside down.

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As a sculptor, I prefer busts. As a lover of women, I prefer busts. And as a football enthusiast, I prefer Robert Griffin III.

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We’re all artists. It’s just most people keep their inner artist locked behind their rib cage.

This Book is Not FOR SALE