A woman at the Limited once asked me, 'Why do you work?' She said, 'You made a lot of money as a young man, so why are you still working?' I had never thought about it before. Forced to consider it, I told her, 'You know why? Because I think that if ...
Heckles always vary. I mean, some people are just drunk, and it's nonsense, or, you know, some people just want to just repeat something I've said or add their own two cents about an opinion, but because of the nature of what I do and who I am, like,...
When I became director of CIA, it was just clear to me intuitively, without a whole lot of science behind it, that we had expanded rapidly and inefficiently. So I arbitrarily picked a number, 10 percent, and I said over the next 12 months, we are goi...
There's so much to argue about. That was the goal with 'Really Really.' Somebody asked me once, 'How should I feel when I leave?' and I said, 'Hopefully, you're talkative.' I don't really care if you're happy or sad or loved it or hated it or hate me...
Every now and then, someone will tell me that one of my books has made them laugh out loud. I never believe them because: a.) my books don't make me laugh out loud; and b.) sometimes I have said this to a writer, when really what I meant was, 'Your b...
I think it's a mistake to work on success in career. I've worked on my passions obsessively. How can I say what I want to say more precisely than the last time I said it? Success is such an elusive concept. When you work for it, I think you get it in...
I did a practical theatre degree, which I took seriously, and then told my parents I wanted to go into acting - because up until that point you could still say you were going to become a teacher. So I told my parents, and they said: 'But of course, t...
I read the 'Twilight' books before the movie and the whole craze happened. And then I loved it. I was in love with Edward before every other girl that says she's in love with him was. Because I read them a long time ago shooting a movie in Salt Lake ...
I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning argum...
I live in New York and got a call from my agent saying there was this new role on 'Mad Men,' it might be recurring and they're seeing people tomorrow. I said, 'OK, this is one of those things where you hedge your bets, use your miles and get on a pla...
In my divorce, I stood up and said to my ex-wife, 'Hey, I messed up. This had nothing to do with you. I didn't understand what marriage was. I cheated. I was wrong. We couldn't fix it; it got worse. I stepped away because I didn't want it to get any ...
McKenzie: Hey, maybe you should write a book. Tom: What? McKenzie: Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature. Tom: That guy had a lot more sex than me.
Susan Orlean: Aww, I wish I were an ant. Awww, they're so shiny. John Laroche: You're shinier than any ant darlin' Susan Orlean: That's the sweetest thing anybody has EVER said to me. John Laroche: Welp, I like ya', that's why.
Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words? Ash: Yeah, basically. Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words? Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.
Dr. Einstein: You shouldn't have killed him. Just because he know something about us, what happens? Jonathan Brewster: We come to him for help, and he tries to shake us down. Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff!
[Elwood Blues has just passed on a red light, and a police car rolls up behind them. The words are said in the same rhythm as a blues song ("Soothe Me") on the car stereo] Elwood: Shit. Jake: What? Elwood: Rollers... Jake: No. Elwood: Yeah. Jake: Shi...
Andrew: I said, leave her alone. Bender: You gonna make me? Andrew: Yeah. Bender: You and how many of your friends? Andrew: Just me. Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor. Anytime you're ready, pal.
[last lines] Beauty: It's a beautiful day. Barton: Huh? Beauty: I said it's a beautiful day. Barton: Yes. It is. Beauty: What's in the box? Barton: I don't know. Beauty: Isn't it yours? Barton: I don't know. You're very beautiful. Are you in pictures...
Lureen Newsome: He always said he wanted his ashes scattered on Brokeback Mountain, but I wasn't sure where that was. I thought Brokeback Mountain might be around where he grew up. Knowing Jack, it was probably some pretend place, where bluebirds sin...
[Gabby Johnson sees the sheriff riding into town] Gabby Johnson: Hey! The sheriff's a nig... [Clock bell chimes] Harriet Johnson: What did he say? Dr. Sam Johnson: He said the sheriff's near. Gabby Johnson: No, gone blame it dang blammit! The sheriff...
Buck Laughlin: I don't think I could ever get used to being poked and prodded like that. I told my proctologist one time, "Why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?" Trevor Beckwith: Yes, I remember you said that last year.
