My agent sent me the script and I loved it. I wondered how they would turn me into a chimp. My agent said it would probably not entail to much time. Just some hair and make-up. I found out that it was not so simple.
I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it.
Had Rumsfeld said at any time 'get me a report on what's going on', he could have had it. You're right, it depends on choices that we make, which parts of the world we want to be in immediate contact with.
One report said that since my time on the run I've had 2,500 girlfriends. I mean you got to realize, I've been on the run for more than 30 years, I have got to have had more than that!
I remember very vividly what it's like to be a child. The adults you liked were the ones who listened to you when you spoke and gave you time to say what you wanted to say and actually listened, and quite often reacted as a result of what you'd said.
I remember once, years ago, I met Sting, and he told me that he had seen 'Spinal Tap' 50 times. He said: 'Every time I watch it, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.'
The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, 'Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day.' And 15 years later, I did.
I really enjoy what I do, and who I'm with and where I am. Having said that, I'm not really a person of habit, because what I do in my job is travel around the world and play concerts to people, and occasionally do very weird things.
There have been times where I've said, 'Jesus, I don't believe in you anymore, get out of here. I don't know. I don't even trust you.' And it's like, okay. And he's still hanging on.
[There's this joke: about the prizefighter who enters the ring, and his brother turns to the family priest and says, "Father, pray for him." And the priest said, "I will, but if he can punch, it'll help."]
[Ed finds Lee Sampson and calls Faye] Faye: Really? That's great! I really didn't mean it when I said you were a pain in the butt.
Rick: Who are you really, and what were you before? What did you do and what did you think, huh? Ilsa: We said no questions. Rick: ...Here's looking at you, kid.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: Donnie, what did Roberta Sparrow say to you? Donnie: She said that every living creature on Earth dies alone.
John McClane: You'd have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, Hans. Hans Gruber: Oh, yes. What was it you said to me before? "Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker."
Scarecrow: Buyer beware. I told you my compound would take you places. I never said they were places you wanted to go!
Bruce Wayne: Must've lost my ticket. Valet Attendant: Your wife said you were taking a cab home. Bruce Wayne: My wife?
Gang Member: [in German] Nicht schiessen! John McClane: [shoots him] What was that? Mathias Targo: [kicks McClane] He said "Don't shoot!"
Joe: When a man with .45 meets a man with a rifle, you said, the man with a pistol's a dead man. Let's see if that's true. Go ahead, load up and shoot.
Officer Collins: Close 13. [door closes] Snowman: Come on. I'm supposed to be in PC the rest of my term. Jackson said. Officer Collins: Jackson's dead... you can get up.
Melvin Udall: [finishing his latest romance novel] "'You saved my life,' she said... 'You'd better make it up to me.'"
Morgan: ...and the heavy set girl said that I had a receding hair line and that I was a couple pounds overweight and I was like 'Go fuck yourself!'... I swallowed a bug.
