I make love like a sandwich ate at my best friend. It’s only happened to me once, and I very nearly didn’t have to pay for it.
I walk like a guitar being strummed, and I love like cheese being forced through a grater. I like my nachos covered in melted music.
We made love like a flag draped over the coffin of a soldier. But that soldier, he fought for that flag’s enemy—he fought for the innocent people living under the shadow of that flag.
Love is a combination of understanding and misunderstanding. I’m understanding of your flaws, and I’m misunderstanding why you don’t try to be perfect, like I am.
The words I love you, as a unit, are like a knife that only stings once you remove the blade from the relationship.
I breathe, I walk, I listen, I love. But not in that order, because right now I’m sitting down, testing my lung’s storage capacity, and ignoring you.
How to Lose Weight Through the Miracle of Diarrhea. That sounds like a bestselling Romance novel title if I’ve ever heard one. I’m a sucker for a good love story.
He had short hair. The technical term is bald. I’m sure he would have made a better lover if he were wearing a Donald Trump wig.
I’ve always felt that love and luck are two sides of the same pair of jeans. Pick a partner that won’t pick your pockets, and you won’t have to be plucky to find pleasure.
Love can make a flower more fragrant, a blue sky bluer, and an empty bank account emptier. I should probably sign up for another credit card.
I have salmon slippers. I just hope the bears don’t try to eat my feet. Not that it matters, since the empty turtle shell stole all my love.
Our love was separated by time—and six feet of dirt. Still, I had to keep digging, because that’s just who I am, a romantic.
The snow covered the two hills like vanilla frosting on two breasts. That’s what I thought then, because I was in love, and ready to sled down the icing on a birthday cake.
Improve your life by taking advantage of new technologies like bleach and a drinking glass. Show your love for the globe by reducing an overpopulated world by one.
My three favorite times are 3:33, 12:34, and the moment I fall in love. Unfortunately, I haven’t figured out how to set an alarm to alert me for the first two.
I love writing, and the feeling it brings me can’t be described by words. So here are a few grunting noises that capture my mood when I write: ugh, eek, umph, and ahh!
Anyaele Sam Chiyson Leadership Law of Prosperity: Great leaders teach other leaders the infinite intelligence that enables them to have plenty of all things and live the good life.
Are you in a suit?' I managed at last, my voice choking up. 'You didn’t have to dress up for me.' 'Quiet, Sage,' he said. 'I’ll make the hilarious one-liners during this daring rescue.
A pedant who beheld Solon weeping for the death of a son said to him, ‘Why do you weep thus, if weeping avails nothing?’ And the sage answered him, ‘Precisely for that reason—because it does not avail.
She'd even violated the only sensible rule of dieting she'd ever run across, the sage advice of the Muppets' Miss Piggy, who recommended never eating anything bigger than your head.
I acquired courage from the masterpieces of sages. I came of age by their instructions to keep going, even in hard times. Then I learnt not to despair, even when it seemed that my world is falling apart. I learnt to possess fortitude.
