Quotes of: Sad-fact Keyword

I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers.  

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I thought I was eating a candy bar, but it turned out to be a yummy burrito. I was both disappointed and appointed at the same time.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

A fuel pump is a fountain drink machine for cars. And people who want to save the environment and get drunk and run to work.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

When the fog lifts on this economy, I think we’ll find a lot of people refusing to ever turn off their caution lights.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I need a Caution: Slippery When Wet sign, because I just spilled my ego all over the floor. 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

The only reason I didn’t feel like a complete fool was because the failure left me feeling incomplete.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

The name’s David Davidson, and I am not my own son. I’m also not my own father, if you were wondering.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day of the year it’s closed for cleaning happens to be my birthday.  

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

My favorite flower lost its voice, and through aroma therapy and the assistance of both my nostrils, I’m trying to help it get it back.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer, something like that. I probably butchered his job title. 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you couldn’t tell because I was already sitting in the nosebleed section.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’m not a ref, but I assigned her the penalty of clipping, and I told her to drop the scissors and step away from the newspaper ads.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

To show the football coach I was ready to play tight end, I wore no pants and had a Q-tip dangling out of my ass.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

With intellectual labor your hard work is forever, while with manual labor your hard work is temporary and soon forgotten.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’m not going to lecture you on the error of your ways. Not until you fetch me a podium and a microphone. I’ll also need a screen, a projector, and a laser pointer.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon! 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

My skull is soundproof. And thank God too, or else you’d be able to hear all the horrible things I’m thinking about you. 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Some people say—not to my face, mind you—that I’m a cowardly son of a bitch. And that is simply not true. My mom is not a bitch.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.