Royal: Chas has those boys cooped up like a pair of jackrabbits, Ethel. Ethel: He has his reasons. Royal: Oh, I know that, but you can't raise boys to be scared of life. You gotta brew some recklessness into them. Ethel: I think that's terrible advic...
Royal: Everyone's against me. Pagoda: It's your fault, man. Royal: I know but dammit, I want this family to love me.
[Royal's fake terminal illness has been exposed and he is being thrown out of the house] Royal: Look, I know I'm going to be the bad guy on this one, but I just want to say the last six days have been the best six days of probably my whole life. Narr...
Royal: I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. That's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me. Henry Sherman: I don't think you're an asshole, Royal. I just think you'...
Royal: Can we get somebody over here to kill these mice for us? Margot: No. They belong to Chas. Or anyway he invented them. Royal: Get him to stick them in a fucking cage or something.
Margot: You probably don't even know my middle name. Royal: That's a trick question. You don't have one. Margot: Helen. Royal: That was my mother's name. Margot: I know it was.
Ethel: [about Royal's fake terminal illness charade] Were you part of this, Pagoda? Henry Sherman: Of course he was. Royal: No... well, yeah, he was, but, I mean, he wasn't *that* involved.
[Henry has gathered the family into Royal's room] Henry Sherman: Pagoda has something to say. Pagoda: [points at Royal] He has a cancer. Henry Sherman: No, he doesn't. I know what stomach cancer looks like. I've seen it. And you don't eat three chees...
Royal: [Points to Henry] He's not your father. Margot: Neither are you.
Royal: [about Raleigh] You're two-timing him with that bloodsucker Eli Cash. Now, that's just not right, dammit. You used to be a genius. Margot: No, I didn't. Royal: Anyway, that's what they used to say.
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
Royal: Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hittin' the cemetery?
Chas: I've had a rough year, dad. Royal: I know you have, Chassie.
Royal: Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.
[During a war game with BB guns] Royal: [on top of a roof, aiming at Chas] Hold it Chassie. Hold it right there. Young Chas Tenenbaum: What are you doing? You're on my team! Royal: Ha-ha! There are no teams! [he shoots at Chas, hitting his hand. Chas...
There is no royal road to science, and only those who do not dread the fatiguing climb of its steep paths have a chance of gaining its luminous summits.
Reading is the royal road to intellectual eminence...Truly good books are more than mines to those who can understand them. They are the breathings of the great souls of past times. Genius is not embalmed in them, but lives in them perpetually.
I'm not an anarchist, but I believe that people don't want the royal family - the so-called royal family.
Royal: You know, Richie, this illness, this closeness to death... it's had a profound affect on me. I feel like a different person, I really do. Richie: Dad, you were never dying. Royal: But I'm going to live.
Young Chas Tenenbaum: [about Margot's play] Well, what'd you think, Dad? Royal: Didn't seem believable to me. [to Eli] Royal: Why are you wearing pajamas? Do you live here? Young Richie Tenenbaum: He has permission to sleep over. Young Chas Tenenbaum...
Royal: First thing I want to do is take you out to see your grandmother, at some point. Richie: I haven't been out there since I was 6. Margot: I haven't been out there at all, I was never invited. Royal: Well, she wasn't your real grandmother, and I...