Billy Baldwin: [answers the phone] Baldwin residence. No, this is Billy Baldwin. If you want Daniel Baldwin call his extension, stupid! [hangs up the phone] Billy Baldwin: Hey Alec, you know what sucks about being a Baldwin? Alec Baldwin: No, what? B...
Stan: Hey you guys I found the clitoris. I think I can get Wendy to like me again. Cartman: Yeah I guess all's well that end's well. We can go home now. You dipshit!
Voice on Radio: All Canadian-American citizens are to report to ne of these death camps right away. Did I say death camps? I meant happy camps, where you will eat the finest meals, have access to the fabulous doctors, and be able to exercise regularl...
Patrick: You gonna do anything? Brad: What are you talking about? Patrick: I'm talking about your pet ape just tripped me. Gonna say something? Brad: Why would I? Patrick: You know why. Brad: This is pathetic, man. Your fixation on me. Patrick: Do yo...
I had spent so much time secretly scared of rape that in that moment I was hardly even afraid anymore. Or rather I had moved on to my next fear—what happens when it’s over? Would I be left there, alone? Injured? Or worse?
I never wore a tie voluntarily, even though I was forced to wear one for photos when I was young and for official events at school. I used to wrap my tie in a newspaper, and whenever the teacher checked I would quickly put it on again. I'm not used t...
Aunt Rosa, a fussy, angular, wild-eyed old lady, who had lived in a tremulous world of bad news, bankruptcies, train accidents, cancerous growths—until the Germans put her to death, together with all the people she had worried about.
In the wake of the tax bonanzas for new commercial projects, roadside strips boomed. Private developers responded to the lack of planned centers, public space, and public facilities in suburbs by building malls, office parks, and industrial parks as ...
ERIC: What are you always writin' in that book anyway? RODNEY: Poetry. TYRONE: Poetry? Rodney stops sketching and sentimentally flips through a few dozen pages of sketches and handwritten poems and notes. RODNEY: Poetry and pictures. Snapshots of our...
But I know just what it feels like to have a voice in the back of my head, like a face that I hold inside, face that awakes when I close my eyes, face that watches everytime I lie, face that laughs everytime I fall. (It watches EVERYTHING) ... But th...
I felt no shame in these activities, because I understood what almost no one else seemed to grasp: that there was only an infinitesimal difference, a difference so small that it barely existed except as a figment of the human imagination, between wor...
I'm happy to report you still get nothing you don't need at Motel 6, and, therefore, you don't have to pay for it. I don't need valet parking. If I can drive the old crate 300 miles to the hotel all by myself, I can certainly handle the last nine fee...
Skip Tyler: When I was twelve, I helped my daddy build a bomb shelter in our basement because some fool parked a dozen warheads 90 miles off the coast of Florida. Well, this thing could park a coupla hundred warheads off Washington and New York and n...
Mr. Garrison: What is five times two? [No response from the class] Mr. Garrison: Now come on children, don't be shy, just give it your best shot. [Clive raises his hand] Clive: Twelve. Mr. Garrison: OK, now lets try to get an answer from someone who'...
Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else? Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?
Mr. Mackey: I want to know where you heard all this horrific obscenities, m'kay? Kyle: Nowhere. Stan: We heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before. Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr Garrison ever said: "Eat penguin shit, you ass spelu...
Mr. Mackey: I guess I'll have to send a warning letter out to parents before more children see Terrence & Phillip. Cartman: Everybody's fucking seen it. Mrs. Cartman: Eric! Cartman: I'm sorry I can't help myself. That movie has warped my fragile litt...
everyone: [singing] Thank God we live in this quiet, little, pissant, redneck, podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mudhole, peckerwood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayeseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, whit...
[the Mole ordered Cartman to disable the army camp alarms, but to his surprise the alarms sound when he tries to rescue Terrance and Phillip and he gets set upon by a pack of wild guard dogs, which he manages to escape from] The Mole: [Bloody & morta...
Kyle: You don't think they're really going to kill Terrence and Phillip, do you? Cartman: Kyle you need to stop being such a chicken shit and stand up to your mother!, you need to smack her in the face and say that's enough of your shit you fucking b...
Sheila Broflovski: Kyle you are grounded for two weeks. Sharon Marsh: You too Stan. Mrs. Cartman: And you're grounded for three weeks Eric. Cartman: Hey! Why am I grounded more that's fuckin' bullshit! Mrs. Cartman: What, what, what? What was that wo...
