I accidentally sealed the box shut with my penis still inside, not realizing I may need to use it later. Being in love can be so distracting.
Love is like a cloud in a lake. It’s reflective and makes it feel like you are flying, when you are really either swimming or trying not to drown.
Love is like how I looked at tomorrow yesterday. That was then, that was now, this is now, but this isn’t then. It’s all so confusing that I just want tomorrow to hurry up and be yesterday already.
I want to tell you that I love you,” he said. “But I’m afraid you won’t remember it tomorrow.” “There’s no way I would forget that.
True love would look a second time. True love would not be thwarted. True love would not accept no for an answer. He would search the world and certainly look again and again in every cottage until he finds you.
True love would look a second time. True love would not be thwarted. True love would not accept no for an answer. He would search the world and certainly look again and again in every cottage in Euphrasia until he finds you.
We made love like two Inuits make love like two popsicles, and then we went back to our cold lives. That was the best summer of my night.
If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers.
My friends mess around with my friends—and my friends’ bikes. Sex with bicycles—that kind of love is just too fast for me. I’ll stick to sticking it in statues.
I saw some kids at an elementary school, and I thought, I wonder if those kids are mine? Any of them—or all of them. It’s possible, because I love making love.
Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin—I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
We rode on the horse like we were in love and drunk on coffee. But that’s silly, because we weren’t drunk and in love. We were just drunk, and not from the coffee either.
My albino elbow bends like a bow and arrow shoots shoots, roots, and bearded forest creatures. Love me now, before I remove my undergrowth.
Your unborn children cry in your testicles. I can hear them when you masturbate. Your mother loves me more than she loves you.
Love is like a tall tree standing next to a midget. Well, it was like that, before it just walked away, leaving the midget just standing there, looking taller than normal.
Love is the elephant we’re all trying to mouse down. Who am I to tell you that sex with furniture is not a “real” relationship?
Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and do you know where it gets its energy from? From a generator I have hooked up to a stationary bicycle.
I knitted a sweater to look like a swimming bird, and pretty soon the whole world looked like it tasted like duck soup. My love is coffee-shaped and without chug.
My love for her is as nuanced as a Nancy, and I wish her name were Nancy so I could more effectively convey my love for her.
My love for her is deep, like the ocean, only not so salty. My love for her probably only has as much salt as a bag of potato chips, though it’s much, much more addicting to munch on.
If life has taught me anything, it’s that no matter what you should do, you should love. Even if you’re in the process of murdering someone, possibly a politician, your heart should be filled with love.
