Quotes of: Ribbons Keyword

Coffee is for lovers. So if you don’t drink coffee, you must be asexual, and I’d love to study your mating ritual.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

I yell at yellow like I purr at pink. If they were more fluid, I’d pour meows in my morning coffee.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

I folded my map in half and used it to make a sandwich. Then I dipped it in coffee and ate all of Europe and half of Russia.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

I prefer to urinate standing on my feet, rather than doing a handstand. You should see me enjoy a cup of coffee.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Love is a lot like coffee in that I can never seem to get enough of it, and hers is hot and mine is iced.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Coffee is made from beans. Burritos also have beans in them, although I’ll admit a burrito isn’t as drinkable as a cup of coffee.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

I drink coffee the way other men put on their pants—only after they’ve paid the hooker.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Trying to remember a dream from a decade ago is like trying to catch fog in a coffee filter. I could subsist on morning mist.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Coffee has a way of waking my soul, much like drinking liquid heaven would.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Enjoying a cup of coffee and a good book, is there anything better? Only if literature were liquid and drinkable.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Her hair was the color of coffee without cream, and she fell in love with me when I poured sugar on her. Probably.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

I don’t eat breakfast, but I do drink it. Coffee, it’s the most important meal of the day.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Drinking coffee is like chugging a galloping racehorse, and that’s why I’m wearing this baby carrier on my back—to hold the jockey.


I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

I’ll start a threesome factory that also makes sex trees. How else am I supposed to grow coffee?

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

I am the Today Monster, and I’m hungry for yesterday. And I’m thirsty for coffee, which is like drinking tomorrow.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Decaffeinated coffee is like orgasmless sex. I guess I’ll take some, if you know anyone who’s offering.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Business idea: People like to eat and drive, so why not make edible cars? Instead of gasoline, they’d run on coffee.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

The best way to wake up is with coffee and an erection.
The cool part is one can stir the other.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

Sandwiches come in shrink-wrap—therefore, I must masturbate with gloves on. Lunchtime! The coffee’s stale but the cream will be fresh.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

The zipper on my crotch is an air vent. I need some way to cool down my hot coffee.

I love Blue Ribbon Coffee

One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on the...

Gilbert Gottfried