Drew: I'm thinking I might take that new chick from Logistics. If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. "Oh... Oh... Oh!" You know what I'm talkin' about. "Oh!"
Congressman Derounian: I'm happy that you've made the statement. But I cannot agree with most of my colleagues. See, I don't think an adult of your intelligence should be commended for simply, at long last, telling the truth.
Charles Van Doren: I've stood on the shoulders of life and I've never gotten down into the dirt to build, to erect a foundation of my own. I've flown too high on borrowed wings. Everything came too easy.
Dick Goodwin: 21 is rigged and I can prove it... I have Enright cold and that means I have you. Kitner: Really? Dick Goodwin: Really. Kitner: Then how come you're the one who's sweating?
Student At Book Party: Professor Van Doren, I took your course at Columbia - "Hawthorne, Original Sin, and the American Experience". Well, as silly as it sounds, it changed my life. Mark Van Doren: Was it the Hawthorne or the sin?
Charles Van Doren: Dad, I can't simply just tell them the truth. Mark Van Doren: Can't tell them the truth? Why on earth not? Charles Van Doren: Because it's complicated. Mark Van Doren: Complicated?
Dick Goodwin: Excuse me. Do you think he might see me before the peacock molts? Kintner's Secretary: Who are you with again? Dick Goodwin: I'm with the United States Congress. Perhaps you've heard of them.
Dick Goodwin: [of Charles Van Doren] There's absolutely no need to drag the man into the spotlight. Sandra Goodwin: You dragged Herb Stempel into the spotlight. Dick Goodwin: Stempel? The man has to be dragged from the spotlight with his teeth marks ...
Dick Goodwin: You're to receive the questions in advance, and I'm to thank you for the courtesy of attending this hearing. Martin Rittenhome: Mercy. What a grueling line of inquiry. Dick Goodwin: Must have a familiar ring - the questions in advance.
Indiana: There's a big snake in the plane, Jock! Jock: Oh, that's just my pet snake Reggie. Indiana: I hate snakes, Jock! I hate 'em! Jock: Come on! Show a little backbone, will ya!
Jack: [talking about his future] Christine's dad has really been talking to me about getting into the family business, showing me the ropes. Which is something, considering how long it took for him to get over my not being Armenian.
Mellish: [as a column of German prisoners passes by] Juden. [pauses] Mellish: Juden. [pauses] Mellish: Juden! Mellish: [Shows star of David necklace to prisoners] I'm... Juden, you know? [pauses] Mellish: Juuuuuuuuuuuuden!
The Emperor: [to Darth Vader] Every single Jedi, including your friend Obi-Wan, is now an enemy of the Republic. Do what must be done. Do not hesitate. Show no mercy.
Tristan: I find the fastest way to travel is by candlelight. [showing the candle] Yvaine: You've got a Babylon candle. Tristan: Yeah, I have a bubbling candle. Yvaine: A *Babylon* candle. Tristan: That's what I said. Yvaine: You said "bubbling".
Meryl: Hi, honey! Look what I got free at the checkout. It's a "Chef's Pal". It's a dicer, grater, peeler, all in one. Never needs sharpening, dishwasher safe! Truman: [feigning interest] Wow. That's amazing.
[Marlon suddenly discovers that Truman has escaped through a hole in his basement] Christof: Don't look in the camera, say something! Keep it going, keep it going! Marlon: [to the lawn camera] He's gone! Christof: CUT TRANSMISSION!
Sutler: [actor on Deitrich's show] Ah! Warm milk, there's nothing better. Gordon Deitrich: I understand you enjoy a glass every night, chancellor. Sutler: [the real chancellor watches, holding a glass of milk] Since I was a boy.
Cowardly Lion: [singing] I'm afraid there's no denyin' / I'm just a dandy-lion / A fate I don't deserve / I'm sure I could show my prowess / Be a lion, not a mouse / If I only had the nerve.
Mercy: Yeah, that's right, Warriors. Just keep walkin'. Real tough muthas, ain't ya? You guys don't show me much. Why don't you dickheads just walk all the way back home, huh?
You won't see me at a microphone singing and tapping my foot. I spend a lot of money on sets, costumes and sound. I believe people deserve a show. I'm a singer, musician, dancer. I work hard, and I'm soaking wet when I come off.
Statistically, I'd say comedy writers are perhaps the sanest category of show people. And why not? They make big money, and although it's not an easy trade - particularly when you're at your galley oar five days a week - it's easier on the nerves and...
