A person crying is like a sponge wringing itself out. Love is better than a sink that turns itself off without you having to touch the handle.
Love is bringing an empty Tupperware container on your date, not to hold leftovers from dinner, but just in case your date really has to shit.
I’m so glad my date doesn’t think I’m ugly. I love blind dates where the woman is actually blind.
I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion is fruit.
Love is me plus you. But what’s with the midget in the corner recording all of our interactions? I thought I fired him yesterday.
She loves me. She must, because she left flowers in the fridge from her date. She knows how I love flower salad.
Flowers smell terrific, but how do they sound? If they sound like your love life, then you’ve got to take your Helen Keller Goggles off.
Fireworks are flowers in the garden sky. My love is like New Year’s Eve, only less predictable and more daily.
Love is like a corn-dog popsicle, and I’m on the Most Wanted list. Unfortunately it’s by the government, specifically the FDA, and not by women.
Cages are good. My heart is in my rib cage, and love is in my heart. We should put more things in cages, like politicians.
I believe in true love. But my opinion is tainted, because I also believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and in the existence of honest politicians.
I don’t embark on journeys like the bark of a dog, but more like the bark of a tree. The path to love winds through a densely wooded forest.
Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
Not many men will love you like me. Of course, I’m not many men. I’m just several men. Or I will be, once my clones arrive.
The best reason to fall in love is because you’re alive, your heart is open, and your wallet is empty. I prefer women with lots of money.
I’m tired of calling @PapaJohns. I wish they’d call me for once. I’m starting to think they don’t love me.
Love is seeing her smile as if it’s a sunrise. It’s beautiful, but geez, I wish she’d quit grinning at me while I’m trying to sleep.
The best day of the week to fall in love is always today. Today will happen again tomorrow, so I’m comfortable sleeping alone for the next 24 hours straight.
They say: 'If a man knew himself, he would know all mankind.' I say: 'If a man loved mankind, he would know something of himself.
It is only once you see the baffled expression on the face of your enemy when you give his cruel words a warm smile that you’ll understand, truly understand, what love is all about.
Some feel the love; some understand it, and some sense it; but no matter what you do, love is always there if you search for it, and deep inside everyone’s heart you will find your home to sleep there forever and feel the heaven.
