Love is the best feeling in the universe. Actually, that’s not true. But only because I haven’t been very many places in the universe.
I love microwave dinners. I also like eating other appliances, like fridges and dishwashers.
My love is divided into three parts. I’ll give you part one and two for free, but for the fourth installation, you’ll have to pay for it.
I live a single life. But only because there’s not enough room in my astronaut suit for two. There’s no love on the moon.
Love is like a rain cloud under the dome of an umbrella. But I’m cool with that, because that’s what I call a portable shower.
Welcome to Dinnerville, where it's always breakfast. When love is in the air, you can tell it’s about to rain.
My voice is raspy, like Rasputin’s beard. My love is like a mustache hidden in a patch of armpit hair. Come, feel what I feel for you.
Dexter, I love you so much. So, so much, and I probably always will.' Her lips touched his cheek. 'I just don't like you anymore. I'm sorry.
Love is a bird’s nest of emotion that I used as a basket to store picnic items like apples, cheese, wine, and finger foods like thumbs and pinkies.
My love is popular. It must be, because I never have any. Is it because I don’t produce any, or because I’m always sold out?
I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery.
Love is a cat wearing a fur coat in a sauna in the middle of the Sahara Desert at noon. Trust me, I speak from personal experience.
With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?
There’s a marked difference between Mark Ed and Ed Mark. Same as the difference between making love and loving make—and I do both, for a very reasonable price.
The scope of my problem will easily fit in the scope of my rifle. Too bad true love has to come with a mother-in-law.
She had no legs, so I made her wear suspenders and I carried her like a backpack. True love knows no luggage.
Love is a four-letter word. So is glue, only it isn’t as sticky. And I must admit, I still eat it all the time.
Yesterday I shat rainbows until my anus started bleeding from a unicorn’s horn. Ah, the joys of being in love.
My love smells like an empty mayonnaise jar. It ought to, because that’s where I store it. Coincidentally, my love also looks and tastes like mayonnaise.
I drink coffee like other men paint pictures of naked women. I do it because I love the full body.
A lightning bolt is sharper than an axe, because it’ll chop down a tree with one strike. My love is like that too—good for making firewood.
