On the subject of how to make friends, I would give you some tips, but I just don’t have any. Oh, I have plenty of tips, but I don’t have any friends.
Only a friend or a giraffe would stick his neck out for you. But only a giraffe would eat all the leaves off your tree so he could peek in your second story bedroom window.
People always ask me if I’m into sports, and I say, “Well, isn’t writing a sport? If you’re doing it right, and you have a deadline, you should be sweating.
My wife told me she’d meet me at the mall, and I said, “Don’t be silly. We’ve already met. What, do you think I’d marry a stranger?
When I hear a politician has died in a car accident, I think, “How tragic! Even if the car suffered only a small dent, it makes me want to cry out to God in despair.
A politician’s word is like a thick tree branch, and the people are all hanging on it. Well, I’ve got noose for you, politicians won’t keep their word, but they will keep you hanging.
To be the best, you have to be willing to do what nobody does. And today, if nobody reads and nobody works hard, then you also have to give up reading and become lethargic to be successful.
I think you know if you disappeared from my life I’d be upset, but ultimately I’d make myself a new invisible cloak, to replace the one you stole.
If you want to see how fast I run, just give me a football helmet and notice how my helmet collects bug carcasses like a car bumper.
Women are like convertibles: They should be topless. Also, they should stay in the garage. I mean kitchen. No, I mean bedroom. Damnit, I guess they can roam freely about the house.
Yuri Orlov: Without operations like mine it would be impossible for certain countries to conduct a respectable war. I was able to navigate around those inconvenient little arms embargoes. There are three basic types of arms deal: white, being legal, ...
The real scholar is not afraid to ask questions of his pupil.
There wouldn't be such a thing as counterfeit gold if there were no real gold somewhere.
The real capital of a man is a mirror worth two cents.
You know, everybody is dealing with issues.
I don't deal in pretentious kids' parties.
If a deal looks too good to be true, it probably is.
I don't make deals, I make pictures.
Flattery is useful when dealing with youngsters.
When you are dealing with a child, keep all your wits about you, and sit on the floor.
These are classic, perennial ideals we are dealing with.
