Quotes of: Read Keyword

I’ll steal bodies, not to be Corporal Corpse, but to have access to a never-ending supply of laughter still left over in their lungs.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

The shape of her smile is curved like a lie, like a boomerang she knows she has to catch quickly when it comes back to her.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Love is like a unicorn with a rainbow for a horn. What I mean is it’s rare, and you’re lucky if you see it once, or at the most twice, in a given week. 

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

When I got married, I could not have chosen a more gorgeous, loving, or perfect woman to crush than the one I broke up with to be with my wife.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

No matter how far or long you carry it, my love doesn’t weigh a lot. But if you aren’t carrying it with you, it will weigh heavy on your mind.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

If love were a glove, I’d wear it on my foot like a goldfish in a silver mine. Ten dimes is too much money to spend on one dollar.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I decided not to charge you with murder, because that would require me filling out lots of paperwork. So you’re free to go.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

All my writing is translated from Gibberish directly into Nonsense. So if my writing offends you, then don’t blame me—blame the translator.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I’m wearing shoes made of sea foam, and I am here to seduce the elderly. If you brought the geriatrics, then I brought the jellyfish.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

There are many men who deserve to die. The most deserving are those that claim to serve the public, but only serve up the public as dinner to the wolves.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I find politicians’ speeches moving. Sometimes I don’t even pack up before forever leaving their vicinity.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

Orafoura doesn’t know shit about what I said, said Orafoura, quoting The Mythical Mr. Boo to me about the shit that’s been said about him.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I wanted to make love in the rain, but owing to unfavorable (or, rather favorable) weather conditions, I took to the shower as a suitable substitute.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I invented underwear with only one leg hole, for people who like to concentrate on frozen orange juice while bungee jumping from a tampon string.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

He’s got the curly Irish hair. You can’t eat him because he might be your father, and you’ll spoil your dinner.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I won’t bring you a single rose to be romantic, but I will point out that our relationship itself is the rose, and it’s our goal to see that it blossoms.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

We had sex by the fireplace. I remember because my waxy nipples started dripping on the carpet.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I got hit on at the bar last night, and this morning I have a black eye. Sometimes you can be so sexy that you offend, I guess.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I suspect I’ll be suspicious for my whole life that Saturday night is sleeping with Sunday morning.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

I love so much you could probably see my affection from space with the naked eye (take off your eyelids, woman!)

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

My thermos does such a good job of keeping my tea hot that it feels like I’m drinking iced tea.

At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.