Love is the last thing on my mind right now. But of course it’s the last thing on my mind, because I was just thinking about it. I always think about love when I’m not thinking about my ex girlfriend.
When I masturbate, I pump my hand so fast it’s like a hummingbird blur. But I make love like the anti-hummingbird. In fact, in bed I’m so slow with my love making it’s almost indistinguishable from sleep.
There is no other company in the world I've found more pleasurable than my own. For no one else has ever been as accepting of me or as thoroughly entertained by my quirkiness. It is a sweet thing to like yourself.
Don't be afraid to try, because you never look back on life and smile at what you could have attempted. Joy only brightens your countenance over those things you attempt.
Sometimes it feels as if God set you on Earth with a bottle full of nasty-tasting pills called and these instructions: Swallow one at a time. When entire prescription is finished, you may return home.
Evil exists in this world because it has its place. For had you never sat blindly through the darkness of night, your eyes wouldn't turn toward the sunrise to appreciate its warmth and illumination.
The key to valuing something is to lose it and then realize how rare it was—after which you pray like mad to regain what you foolishly lost. The value of an item often depends upon how hard it is to attain.
The glory of fame isn't in having so many people know you, but in having so many people know you care. Otherwise, it's like being drawn to a fire to find no warmth.
Service a smile. It is an acknowledging wave, a reaching handshake, a friendly wink, and a warm hug. It's these simple acts that matter most, because the greatest service to a human soul has always been the kindness of recognition.
Have you noticed how children never bypass a puddle of water, but jump, splash, and slosh right through it? That's because they know an important truth: Life was meant to be lived; puddles were meant to be experienced.
Our greatest duty to our children is to love them first. Secondly, it is to teach them. Not to frighten, force, or intimidate our children into submission, but to effectively teach them so that they have the knowledge and tools to govern themselv...
Some decisions in life naturally lead to an unhappy ending, leaving you sinking by degrees in a lake of quicksand. And, unless someone reaches to pull you out, chances are you will drown in the consequences.
Yes, of course we could all use some help. There isn't a person alive without a need. So don't ask the silly question, just figure out you're going to help and do it!
Moisture falls from the sky, cleansing the world and sustaining precious life. But it's the gloom—the cold, dark air—that receives notice. We fail to see the miracle of raindrops through our own tears.
I'm convinced that whatever contains human emotions is composed of the most fragile material, for it can shatter unpredictably and without effort. And yet it is a resilient marvel as well, able to mend instantly as though never affected.
How does knowing than what I already deem is awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy!
Mr. Cat and Mr. Dog were neighbors who fought like, well, cats and dogs. That is until Mr. Rat moved in. It's fascinating how easily two enemies ally at the introduction of a third.
Why is it that at the very moment I need to appear graceful I stumble and fall like a klutz, as though this scene had never played through my mind differently a million times?
There are many roads in this world that will guide you to pleasurable, fun, and exciting destinations that do not end in any form of lasting happiness. So before you step on an enticing path, figure out where it leads.
Goals are my north star. My compass. The map that guides me along the road I wish to travel. Goals are motivations with wind in their sails—they carry me forward despite the storms.
My knight may not wear a coat of shining armor, but his code of glowing honor will never fail to protect us both from evils far worse than any fire-breathing dragon.
