Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Bedevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Sir Bedevere: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. King Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
God: Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times. King Arthur: Good idea, O Lord! God: 'Course it's a good idea!
French Soldier: Un cadeau. Other French soldiers: A what? French Soldier: A present. Other French soldiers: Oh. Un cadeau. Oui oui. French Soldier: Allons y! Other French soldiers: What? French Soldier: Let's go! Other French soldiers: Oh.
God: What are you doing now? King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord. God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, they're so depressing. Now knock it off!
King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left! Black Knight: Yes I have. King Arthur: Look! Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
Sir Lancelot: Look, my liege! [trumpets play a fanfare as the camera cuts briefly to the sight of a majestic castle] King Arthur: [in awe] Camelot! Sir Galahad: [in awe] Camelot! Sir Lancelot: [in awe] Camelot! Patsy: [derisively] It's only a model! ...
Dingo: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me. All: And me. And me too. And me. Dingo: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.
King Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery. Leader of The Knights who say NI!: One that looks nice. King Arthur: Of course. Leader of The Knights who say NI!: And not too expensive. King Arthur: Yes.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there? King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England. 1st soldier with a keen interest in bi...
This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the...
King of Swamp Castle: We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get. Prince Herbert: But I don't like her. King of Swamp Castle: Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.
King of Swamp Castle: You only killed the bride's father, you know. Sir Lancelot: Well, I didn't mean to. King of Swamp Castle: Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head. Sir Lancelot: Oh dear... is he all right?
[the King gestures to the window] King of Swamp Castle: One day, lad, all this will be yours. Prince Herbert: What, the curtains? King of Swamp Castle: No, not the curtains, lad, all that you can see stretched out over the valleys and the hills! That...
The Dead Collector: Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! Peasant 3: Here you are, here's your ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead! The Dead Collector: Hang on, he says he's not dead! Peasant 3: Yes he is. The Dead Body Th...
[after slicing one of the Black Knight's arms off] King Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary. Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch. King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off. Black Knight: No it isn't. King Arthur: What's that, then? Black Knight: [aft...
King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look? French Soldier: Of course not. You're English types. King Arthur: What are you then? French Soldier: I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king? Sir Galahad: What are you do...
Dennis: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed! King Arthur: Bloody peasant! Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? Yo...
[the Black Knight continues to threaten Arthur despite getting both his arms and one of his legs cut off] Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that! King Arthur: You'll what? Black Knight: Come here! King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me? B...
As I work in the afternoon on committing to paper some of my morning's thoughts, I find myself just about to close on the knotty question of whether or not I believe in God. In fact I am about to type, 'I do not believe in God', when the sky goes bla...
