When you awaken some morning and hear that somebody or other has been discovered, you can put it down as a fact that he discovered himself years ago - since that time he has been toiling, working, and striving to make himself worthy of general discov...
People imagine that there are rituals, like lighting candles or sacrificing chickens. They really just want to know what the magic formula is for writing. I inevitably disappoint them by saying you just put your butt in the chair, and you write 500 w...
My mother says I was two-and-a-half when I started playing. My father was a minister, and when he went to church in the morning, she would put on Fats Waller, Billie Holiday, Nat King Cole and Cole Porter records. I'd crawl up on the piano stool, sit...
Most of the people who get sent to die in wars are young men who've got a lot of energy and would probably rather, in a better world, be putting that energy into copulation rather than going over there and blowing some other young man's guts out.
Well, the terrible thing right now, and I don't know the statistics, but there's a growing concern in some communities about how rapidly people are sent from school to jail, how quickly they're put into the criminal justice system. And of course the ...
I have a friend - not a dwarf - who's an alchemist of sorts. He concocted a men's cologne... He gave me a bottle as a gift. I was thinking we should totally put this on the market. You know how Jessica Simpson and Beyonce have signature perfumes and ...
I remember my mom threatening me, half-serious: 'You know what? I should take you to Pittsburgh and put you in dance lessons just to keep you occupied.' Well, that brought everything to a screeching halt. 'Jeeze, dance lessons.' In retrospect, it wou...
I was never against marriage per se. Before feminism, I didn't think you had any choice. In fact, for a long time I always assumed I would get married. I just didn't see any marriages I wanted to emulate, so I kept putting it off.
My favorite films, I would put my answering machine up to the television set and hit record. I'd tape my favorite movies and then I could go back and listen to them again. I only had the soundtrack, I didn't have the visuals. But I think it made me r...
I've always had a thing for old movies, old Hollywood. I've always just loved watching Marilyn Monroe and Greta Garbo. In all of those old movies from the '40s and '50s, women put themselves together so well, with a little bit of drama and elegance. ...
[Dilios is putting a patch over his eye] King Leonidas: Dilios, I trust that "scratch" hasn't made you useless. Dilios: Hardly, my lord, it's just an eye. The gods saw fit to grace me with a spare.
[after hearing they get three times diver's pay to check out the nuclear sub] Catfish De Vries: Hell, for triple time, I'd eat Beany! Jammer Willis: Set me on fire and put me out with horse piss.
Curt Henderson: Are you the Wolfman? XERB Disc Jockey: No, man. I'm not the Wolfman. Wait a minute. [puts in a tape] Wolfman Recording: "Who is this on the Wolfman Telephone?". Diane: "Diane". XERB Disc Jockey: "How you doing, Diane?". XERB Disc Jock...
Bluto: See if you can guess what I am now. [puts a scoop of mashed potatoes in his mouth and hits his cheeks with his fists and spits it out] Bluto: I'm a zit. Get it?
Mateo: You don't believe. Johnny: In what? In God? I asked him a favor once. I asked him to take me instead of him. But he took both of us. And look what he put in my place.
John Chambers: If you're gonna do a $20 million "Star Wars" rip-off, you need somebody who's a somebody to put their name on it. Somebody respectable. With credits. Who you can trust with classified information. Who'll produce a fake movie. For free.
Curtis: [offscreen, to another skinhead] Hey man, want a toke? Derek Vinyard: Curtis, what are you doing? Weed is for niggers. You put that away right now. Have a little self respect.
Journalist: The law's often inconvenient, Colonel. Col. Mathieu: And those who explode bombs in public places, do they respect the law perhaps? When you put that question to Ben M'Hidi, remember what he said?
Jake: First you traded the Cadillac in for a microphone. Then you lied to me about the band. And now you're gonna put me right back in the joint! Elwood: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.
Maddy Bowen: You lost both your parents. Danny Archer: That's a polite way of putting it, ja. Mum was raped and shot and uh... Dad was decapitated and hung from a hook in the barn. I was nine... boo-hoo right?
Holly Sargis: [Voiceover narration] Kit was glad to leave South Dakota behind, and cursed its name. He said that if the Communists ever dropped the atomic bomb, he wished they'd put it right in the middle of Rapid City.
