She had been to her Great-Aunt Willoughby’s before, and she knew exactly what to expect. She would be asked about her lessons, and how many marks she had, and whether she had been a good girl. I can’t think why grownup people don’t see how impe...
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I a tired of being treated like a child. My father says it's because I am a child--I am twelve-and-a-half years old--but it still isn't fair. If I go into a store to buy something, nobody pays any attention to me, or if they do, it...
Before our white brothers arrived to make us civilized men, we didin't have any kind of prison. Because of this, we didn't have any delinquents. Without a prison, there can't be no delinquents. We had no locks nor keys therefore among us there were n...
Dear Ford, I think my Ford Explorer door is broken. It just won’t close. I think this is because I don’t have the rest of the Explorer, I only have the door. It’s a passenger-side door, and I bought it from a passenger. Also, it doesn’t seem ...
Most of us waste this extraordinary thing called life. We have lived forty or sixty years, have gone to the office, engaged ourselves in social activity, escaping in various forms, and at the end of it, we have nothing but an empty, dull, stupid life...
Tommy: This is amazing! John Reilly: Hello! It's been a long time! Nokes: Who the fuck are you guys? [John and Tommy each pull up a chair and sit down at Nokes' table] Nokes: Hey, who the fuck asked you to sit down? Tommy: I thought you'd be happy to...
Hamilton Bartholomew: Stop, Mrs. Lampert, or I'll kill you! Adam Canfield: It won't get you the stamps, Dyle. You'll still have to come out, and I'm not likely to miss at this range. Hamilton Bartholomew: Maybe not, but it takes a lot of bullets to k...
J. Edgar Hoover: I have to wonder if you people realize the level of responsibility you carry. From my way of thinking, Motion Pictures are potentially the most influential form of communication ever invented. And there's no control over it. Your mes...
Caitlin Bree: Can I use your bathroom? Randal Graves: Sure. But there's no lights back there. Caitlin Bree: Why aren't there any lights? Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. Caitlin Bree: You're k...
C.A. Swan: [referring to the bribe money Tony is offering him to kill Margot] You know the police would only have to trace one of these notes back to you to hang us both from the same rope? Tony Wendice: They won't. For a whole year I've been cashing...
Frank Costello: Have a seat, Bill. [Costigan sits down at Costello's dinner table] Frank Costello: [while eating crab] Do you know John Lennon? Billy Costigan: Yeah, sure, he was the president before Lincoln. Frank Costello: Lennon said, "I'm an arti...
Bjurman: Have you ever had any sexually transmitted diseases? And when was the last time you were tested for HIV? How many partners have you had in the last month? And how many of those were men? It's regulation I have to ask these things. It's a hea...
[Enid takes Rebecca to a "party" at Seymour's place, which is really just a gathering of nerdy record collectors] Jerome, the Angry Guy - Record Collector: Some records I will pay serious money for, provided they're a sincere V-plus. Other than that,...
Behrani: [Praying for his dying son] Please, God, don't take my joon-am. I make my nazr. My nazr, hear me, please to hear me. I will give everything to one who is less fortunate. Yes! I will make it for the broken bird. Please, God, I'm making nazr t...
Hogarth Hughes: [talking very fast, on caffeine] So she moved me up a grade 'cause I wasn't fitting in, so now I'm even more not fitting in. I was getting good grades, you know, like all A's. So my mom says, "You need stimulation," and I go, "No, I'm...
[Gennady is shoving Eddie Mora around in his apartment hallway when the NZT pill falls out of his pocket] Gennady: What is that? Eddie Morra: [panicking] Nothing. Just aspirin. [desperately tries to get it] Gennady: [steps down hard on Eddie's arm pr...
Professor Henry Higgins: Eliza, you are to stay here for the next six months learning to speak beautifully, like a lady in a florist's shop. If you work hard and do as you're told, you shall sleep in a proper bedroom, have lots to eat, and money to b...
Christian: It's a little bit funny. Satine: What? Christian: This feeling inside. I'm not one of those who can easily hide. Is this ok? Is this what you want? Satine: Ah, poetry. Yes, this it what I want naughty words. Christian: I don't have much mo...
Topher Grace: Mr Ocean, what do you do for a living? If you don't mind me asking. Danny: Why would I mind you asking? Two cards. I just got out of prison. Topher Grace: Really? Joshua Jackson: Well why were you in prison? Danny: I stole things. Shane...
Neal: Sir?... Sir?... Sir? [runs to man] Neal: Excuse me. I know this is your cab, but I'm desperately late for a plane, and I was wondering if I could appeal to your good nature and ask you to let me have it. New York Lawyer: I don't have a good nat...
Neal: I'd like one room for the night. Del: If you're upset, maybe we should get separate rooms. Neal: You get your own room. Hotel Clerk: Will you be paying with credit card? Neal: Yes. I have a Visa card... Diner's Club card... and a gasoline card....
