Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine 1) didn't work, 2) didn't do what the expensive advertisements said, 3) electrocuted the immediate neighborhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely to be inside the expens...
Though she would have preferred long ago to have died, fled, gotten it all over with, the body--Jesus, how the body!--took its time. It possessed its own wishes and nostalgias. You could not just turn neatly into light and slip out the window. You co...
The total amount of suffering per year in the natural world is beyond all decent contemplation. During the minute that it takes me to compose this sentence, thousands of animals are being eaten alive, many others are running for their lives, whimperi...
You see, because [Norfolk is] stuck out here on the east, on this hump jutting into the sea, it's not on the way to anywhere. People going north and south, they bypass it altogether. For that reason, it's a peaceful corner of England, rather nice. Bu...
What is taking place here should be made very clear: Citizens who are completely innocent of any legal wrongdoing and simply minding their own business--not seeking any litigation and neither convicted nor accused of any legal infraction, criminal or...
Before our white brothers arrived to make us civilized men, we didin't have any kind of prison. Because of this, we didn't have any delinquents. Without a prison, there can't be no delinquents. We had no locks nor keys therefore among us there were n...
Raymond: Yo, uncle! Dexter: Come look at this! Zeus: [looks at watch] It's ten after nine. Why aren't you in school? Raymond: Tony wants to sell you this. Zeus: Tony? That no-neck dude they call "Bad T"? Dexter: He says he found it in a dumpster. Zeu...
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel... that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there. Colonel "Bat" Guano: That's private property. Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel! Can you possibly imagine what ...
R.K. Maroon: [Eddie has him with his tie caught in the Movieola, and is threathening to strangle him unless he tells him about Cloverleaf's involvement in the Acme murder] Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! The truth is, I had a chance to sell my studio. But...
Lord, if I thought you were listening, I'd pray for this above all: that any church set up in your name should remain poor, and powerless, and modest. That it should wield no authority except that of love. That it should never cast anyone out. That i...
A daffodil bulb will divide and redivide endlessly. That's why, like the peony, it is one of the few flowers you can find around abandoned farmhouses, still blooming and increasing in numbers fifty years after the farmer and his wife have moved to he...
So I added in all the pains I'd learned. Cooking blunders I'd had to eat anyways. Equipment and property constantly breaking down, needing repairs and attention. Tax insanity, and rushing around trying to hack a path through a jungle of numbers. Late...
Gangster 'Johnny': Who is it? Pizza Boy: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza. Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here. Pizza Boy: Okay. [leaves the pizza on the doormat] Pizza Boy: But what about the money? Gang...
Jerry: Hi, Mister. Would you fill 'er up, please? Old Man: I got no gas. Kirk: What? You're all out of gas? Old Man: My tank's empty! Transport woun't be here until late this afteroon. Mayby not even 'til tomorrow morning. Franklin: Hey, do you know ...
Malone: Why do you want to join the force? George Stone: To protect the property and citizenry of... Malone: Ah, don't waste my time with that bullshit. Where you from, Stone? George Stone: I'm from the south-side. Malone: Stone. George Stone. That's...
You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars… five thousand dollars per bullet… You know why? Caus...
