My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I ...
Have I ever pretended to be something? I think back in college I think I might have told a girl that I was a professional tennis player once. And then, of course, she had never heard of me so I had to dig deeper. 'I'm just sort of on the playing sate...
So very offensive the gospel is, and of course, it's pointing out where I was so sure of being right but in fact was so very wrong! At first I turned so hard against it, but now I find myself so in love with it's blunt honest truth. We need more of t...
Sometimes people ask me, 'You do stand-up?' I try explaining what I do, and I don't think they really get it. So: 'Yeah, I do stand-up.' I wish there was one word to express what I do - that way, I don't sound arrogant. Whenever I say I'm a performer...
[Angel has knocked out Michael] Simon Skinner: [on walkie-talkie] Michael, are you there? Nicholas Angel: [pretending to be Michael] Yarp... Simon Skinner: Sergeant Angel's been taken care of? Nicholas Angel: Yarp... Simon Skinner: He's not going to ...
Nobutada: [after Algren is defeated in fencing pratice] Please forgive; too many mind. Algren: [puzzeled] "Too many mind?" Nobutada: Hai, mind the sword, mind the people watch, mind enemy - -too many mind. [seriously] Nobutada: No mind. Algren: [pret...
[the mayor has hung himself] Agent Bird: I don't understand why he did it. He wasn't in on it. He wasn't even Klan. Ward: Mr. Bird, he was guilty. Anyone's guilty who lets these things happens and pretends like it isn't. No, he was guilty all right. ...
Professor Henry Higgins: May I ask, do you complain of your treatment here? Eliza Doolittle: No. Professor Henry Higgins: Has anyone behaved badly? Colonel Pickering, Mrs. Pearce? Eliza Doolittle: No. Professor Henry Higgins: You certainly don't pret...
Anna: When we were separated at 15, I said I would never love anyone else, ever. I would never become attached, I'd never stay put anywhere, I'd have nothing for myself; I decided I would pretend to be alive. And this is what I've been waiting for, a...
Belloq: You and I are very much alike. Archeology is our religion, yet we have both fallen from the pure faith. Our methods have not differed as much as you pretend. I am but a shadowy reflection of you. It would take only a nudge to make you like me...
Drexl Spivey: Ey' yo, yo why you trippin'? We're just fuckin' with ya. In fact, I'm gonna show you what I mean with a little demonstration. Toss me the burner. [Floyd tosses Drexl the shotgun] Drexl Spivey: All right, peep this. Pretend this is that ...
Susan Vance: [Susan is pretending to be a gun moll who is turning on supposed mobster partner David Bone by exposing his supposed alias to Constable Slocum] You mean to say you don't remember 'Jerry the Nipper' ? David Huxley: Constable she's making ...
Jesse: At least now we don't have to pretend that each new sexual experience is a life-altering event. Celine: I know. By now, you know, you've stuck it in so many places, it's like about to fall off. Jesse: Yeah, you know, and I can't realistically ...
I "dated" one boy and our song was "Faithfully" by Journey. Every time it played my body would turn electric, and I would stare out whatever window I was near and reminisce about experiences I hadn't had. Is there a word for when you are young and pr...
Ah man. I remember the days of lying to my mother about a boy. Once I had a boy hidden in the closet and of course Mom wouldn't leave, so I finally had to pretend to get sick to my stomach just to get her out of the room long enough for him to climb ...
Everybody isn't your friend. Just because they hang around you and laugh with you doesn't mean they're for you. Just because they say they got got your back, doesn't mean they won't stab you in it. People pretend well. Jealousy sometimes doesn't live...
And he waited. He felt like he was going to throw up. What the fuck was he doing? Hadn’t he learned anything? It was one thing to flirt about sex, but this wasn’t flirting. This was pulling your heart out of your chest and giving it to someone wh...
My father once told me that there are no gods; only the cruel manipulations of evil people who pretended that their power was good and their exploitation was love. But if there are no gods; why are we so hungry to believe in them? Just because evil l...
Everyone goes through a period of - when we take, say, a different turn in life, the other . Dante himself did. Some recover, some pretend to recover, some never come back, some chicken out before even starting, and some, for fear of taking any turns...
(Raphael) "I know why you refuse me, Daylighter, and it is not out of some pretended sense of rejection. You are so involved with the Shadowhunters, you think you are one of them. We have seen you with them. Instead of spending your nights in the hun...
Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That...
