Trapper John: But Hawkeye, that man has five times the man power to draw than we do. Hawkeye Pierce: Sure, so we get ourselves a ringer, right? We get Henry to apply, making a specific application for a neurosurgeon. He asks for Dr. Oliver Harmon Jon...
Captain Paul Prescott: [about Alicia] I don't like this, I don't like her coming here. Walter Beardsley: She's had me worried for some time. A woman of that sort. Devlin: What sort is that, Mr. Beardsley? Walter Beardsley: Oh, I don't think any of us...
Nurse Esther: The doctor needs to see you. Allie: Me? Now? Nurse Esther: No, him. Allie: But he hasn't finished reading his story. Noah: I'll read some more when I'm through with the doctor. This shouldn't take too long. Allie: All right. Noah: Don't...
Sim Carstairs: Ten year I been ferryin' Kansas Redlegs, Union cavalry, Missouri guerillas... you name it. Mad dogs them guerillas. You look sideways at 'em... [snaps a rope like a noose] Sim Carstairs: they kill ya. Carpetbagger: Sound like hard men ...
Neal: What's the flight situation? Del: Simple. There's no way on earth we're going to get out of here tonight. We'd have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak. Neal: I guess we...
[last lines] Theater Manager: Cecilia, what are you doing here? Cecilia: Meeting Gil Shepherd. Theater Manager: They all gone. Cecilia: Th - whaddaya, whaddaya mean? Theater Manager: They went back to Hollywood. Cecilia: Gil too? Theater Manager: Mr ...
Max Bialystock: Don't you see, darling Bloom, glorious Bloom? It's so simple. STEP ONE: We find the worst play ever written, a surefire flop. STEP TWO: I raise a million bucks. Lots of little old ladies out there. STEP THREE: You go back to work on t...
The Count: To all our listeners, this is what I have to say - God bless you all. And as for you bastards in charge, don't dream it's over. Years will come, years will go, and politicians will do fuck all to make the world a better place. But all over...
Patton: Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admir...
Uncle Charlie: The cities are full of women, middle-aged widows, husbands, dead, husbands who've spent their lives making fortunes, working and working. And then they die and leave their money to their wives, their silly wives. And what do the wives ...
Woody: Look Jessie, I know you hate me for leaving, but I have to go back. I'm still Andy's toy. Well, if you knew him, you'd understand. See, Andy's... Jessie: Let me guess. Andy's a real special kid, and to him, you're his buddy, his best friend, a...
Woody: [Jessie shuts off the TV as the "Woody's Roundup" episode ends] Hey, w-wait, What happened? What happens next? Come on, let's see the next episode! Stinky Pete the Prospector: That's it. Woody: What? Stinky Pete the Prospector: The show was ca...
Terence Fletcher: Try me you fucking weasel! At 5:30 that's in exactly 11 minutes my band is on stage. If your ass is not on that stool with your own fucking sticks in hand or you make ONE FUCKING MISTAKE, ONE! I will drum your ass back to Nassau whe...
Eddie Valiant: Everything's funny to you, ain't it, needlenose? Smart Ass: You got a problem with that, Valiant? Eddie Valiant: No, I just want you to know something about the guy you're gonna dip. [Pulls a lever on a calliope, which plays "The Merry...
Dr. Frank Poole: [playing chess with HAL, Poole studies the chessboard] Let's see, king... anyway, Queen takes Pawn. Okay? HAL: Bishop takes Knight's Pawn. Dr. Frank Poole: Huh, lousy move. Um, Rook to King 1. HAL: I'm sorry, Frank, I think you misse...
Tom: [Montage of Summer] I hate her crooked teeth. I hate her 1960s haircut. I hate her knobby knees. I hate her cockroach-shaped splotch on her neck. I hate the way she smacks her lips before she talks. I hate the way she sounds when she laughs. [Fa...
Ricky Fitts: It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. Right? And this bag was just dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minute...
[Rob has bailed Alvy out of jail] Rob: Imagine my surprise when I got your call, Max. Alvy Singer: Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment. You know, I heard high-pitched squealing. Rob: Twins, Max! 16 years-old. Can you imagine the ma...
[Mozart loses at musical chairs] Emanuel Schikaneder: Herr Mozart, why don't you name your son's penalty? Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Yes, Papa. Name it. Name it, I'll do anything you say. Anything. Leopold Mozart: I want you to come back to Salzburg wi...
[Tim has just learned his dad is dying of cancer] Tim: It's just... I though with the time thing... Dad: No, I never said we could fix things. I specifically never said that. Life's a mixed bag, no matter who you are. Look at Jesus: he was the son of...
I call it treason against rock 'n' roll because rock is the antithesis of politics. Rock should never be in bed with politics. ... When I was a kid and my parents started talking about politics, I'd run to my room and put on the Rolling Stones as lou...
