Headmaster: [while having sex with his wife, notices Carter is playing with something] Carter? Carter: Yes sir? Headmaster: What is it Carter? Carter: An ocarina, sir...
Zidler: I am the evil maharajah. Satine: Oh Harold, no one could play him like you could. Zidler: No one's going to.
Ed Crane: Life has dealt me some bum cards. Or maybe I just haven't played 'em right, I don't know.
McMurphy: Jesus Christ! D'you nuts wanna play cards or do ya wanna fuckin' jerk off?
Max Bialystock: How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?
Franz Liebkind: [runs backstage to try to stop the play] Stagehand: Hey, what can I do for you? Franz Liebkind: You will please be unconscious. [hits him on the head]
Max Bialystock: That's exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.
[rubbing his thumb and forefinger together] Mr. Pink: Do you know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin playing just for the waitresses.
[Introducing his play "Heaven and Hell"] Max Fischer: Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.
Rosemary Cross: How did I hurt your feelings? Max Fischer: Oh, my God! I wrote a hit play! [pauses] Max Fischer: And I'm in love with you.
Max Fischer: [during his play "Heaven and Hell"] Maybe We'll meet again someday... [holds up a peace sign] Max Fischer: When the fighting stops.
William Somerset: But you gotta be a, a hero. You want to be a champion. Well, let me tell you. People don't want a champion. They want to eat cheeseburgers, play the lotto and watch television.
[the jukebox starts playing a love song after Liz has broken up with Shaun] Ed: Who the hell put this on? Shaun: [tearfully] It's on random.
Knives Chau: What do you play? Young Neil: Wow, ummm... Zelda... Tetris... that's kind of a big question.
Wallace Wells: Hey Jimmy do they rock or suck? Jimmy: They have not started playing yet... Wallace Wells: That was a test Jimmy, and you passed.
[last lines] Caden Cotard: I know what to do with this play now. I have an idea. I think... Millicent Weems: [voice over] Die.
Lt. Col. Gordon Tall: [voice over] Shut up in a tomb. Can't lift the lid. Playing a role I never concieved.
[Wyatt Earp has just found out that the devil in a play was performed by a woman] Wyatt Earp: Well, I'll be damned. Doc Holliday: You may indeed, if you get lucky.
Jeff Megall: Oh, stop. Next thing I know, he'll be telling you what position I used to play for the Bruins. Jack: Quarterback.
[first words] Veer Pratap Singh: That's an F-16 flying at the speed of 1200mph. When a plane tears through the skies, playing with the clouds, no one but a pilot can understand that feeling.
Pinball Playing Man: I mean, I'm not saying that you don't know what you're talking about, but I don't know what you're talking about.
