Quotes of: Picture-book Keyword

My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it. 

This Book Title is Invisible

I have a secret secret admirer. Not only is her identity a secret—but so is the fact that she admires me. 

This Book Title is Invisible

Love is like trying to wrestle an albino. It’s tough because they’re slippery and all lubed up with sunscreen.

This Book Title is Invisible

You’re already older than the last time I saw you, and I just saw you right before I blinked.

This Book Title is Invisible

She didn’t have the body of the supermodel. But that’s OK, because she didn’t have the face of one either.

This Book Title is Invisible

There should always be one more cat than person, so everyone has one to pet, and I have two to myself.

This Book Title is Invisible

I wish there were a vending machine that served cats. Not to eat, but to pet during my work break.

This Book Title is Invisible

If you just give me a chance, I could be the man you’ve never dreamed of and never wanted.

This Book Title is Invisible

Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?

This Book Title is Invisible

Do you find it erotic how my pants bulge in the crotch, where I keep my coffee cup?

This Book Title is Invisible

Don’t tell me your name. If you don’t tell me your name, I can’t hurt your feelings by forgetting it.

This Book Title is Invisible

I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And I do mean freak.

This Book Title is Invisible

The coolest way to be cool is to be yourself, because nobody can be you but you. Well, aside from your clone. 

This Book Title is Invisible

When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks. 

This Book Title is Invisible

I knew it, but I knew you didn’t know I knew it, so I knew to not let you know I knew it by acting like I didn’t know it.

This Book Title is Invisible

Leadership. I separate myself from the pack at such a great distance that it may be said that I’m a leader—a leader of one with followers of none.

This Book Title is Invisible

On average, women are better liars than men. But the best liars are men, because politicians are still predominantly men. 

This Book Title is Invisible

I don’t need a hearing aid—I need a listening aid. And this aid, she’d better be pleasing to look at.

This Book Title is Invisible

I need to call it a night. But only because I don’t know what else to call it. What’s in between evening and morning?

This Book Title is Invisible

If birthdays fell from the sky like Saturdays shaped like saxophones, I’d learn how to play the flute on Tuesdays.

This Book Title is Invisible

We made love like an earthquake, which was nice because neither one of us had to do any work.

This Book Title is Invisible