Please, allow me a moment to put my penis back where it belongs. I should never have taken it out of its plastic wrapping before you’d finished opening all your other gifts.
I wish I could sculpt my shadow into my night clone, and it could be out earning me money while I slept, instead of being folded up neatly in my underwear drawer like it is now.
I wish somebody would combine tasers and dildos, and test the devices out on all the politicians in Washington DC. Well, all the politicians except Barney Frank, who’d actually derive pleasure from the experiment.
Too bad my car key won’t start my house. And to answer your unasked question, no you can’t use my toaster like a dual vagina. At least not for the two-for-one price. That price only applies on Tuesdays.
Writing songs is an essential part of my life: my mother teaches piano, and I have inherited my grandparents' passion for music, especially from my grandfather Tommy, who was a great drummer. It's no coincidence that I play the drums best, but I am a...
I describe my plots as follows; A character is walking down the street when all of a sudden a piano falls on them. They spend the rest of the story digging out from under that piano. How they dig, how long and how well, this all depends entirely on t...
Captain Renault: Is everything ready? Rick: [points to his jacket pocket] I have the letters right here. Captain Renault: Tell me, when we searched the place, where were they? Rick: Sam's piano. Captain Renault: [looks at the piano] Serves me right f...
She tapped out a beat on the edge of the piano as I tripped and plummeted through the refrain of “Spacebar,” trying to translate the synth chords into a piano bit on the fly. It had been a million years since I’d played it. But it was still cat...
Montesquieu wrote: "I have never known any distress that an hour of reading did not relieve." If one substituted the word music for reading, the exact same dictum applied to me.
it's good to have things done with when they don't work it's also good not to hate or even forget the person you've failed with.
Every man has a soul, but will every man’s clone have a soul? No, because me and some scientists will have sucked them out in the lab. Why sell your soul to the devil, when you can sell your clone’s soul?
I blended into the kitchen like a blender, but I made so much noise that I nearly woke up the strawberries and bananas. You should hear me make love. (I sound like an ice machine, but I’m as motionless as an empty ice cube tray.)
If instead of a handshake you hold out a fist for a fist bump, I’ll wrap my hand around your fist like it was a circular shower handle, and toggle between hot and cold a few times. But I won’t get naked for you.
I’m a gopher. If I see something I want, I go for it, Orafoura said . And I’m a shepherd. If I see a sheep I like, I fuck it, I replied. I mean I would, if I were sexually attracted to average Americans.
I think of myself as Rebecca Wells from Lodi Plantation, in Central Louisiana, a girl who was lucky enough to be born into a family that encouraged creativity and didn't call me lazy or nuts when I dressed up in my mother's peignoirs and played the p...
The atom can't be seen, yet its existence can be proved. And it is simple to prove that it can't ever be seen. It has to be studied by indirect evidence — and the technical difficulty has been compared to asking a man who has never seen a piano to ...
I started writing songs when I was real young, when I was 3 years old. The piano spoke to me - I don't remember when I wasn't playing piano. My second grade talent show was the first time I performed my own thing. I dressed up as Dracula and played a...
I can't read music. Instead, I'd do stuff inside the piano, do harmonics and all kinds of crazy things. They used to put me in these annual piano contests down at Long Beach City College, and two years in a row, I won first prize - out of like 5,000 ...
Doctrines provide an architecture for both Republican and Democrat presidents to carry out policies.
When I was a kid, I played the piano for six years, and all my family are musicians.
The American attitude towards efficiency and execution should always underlie architecture.
