The girl of my dreams got married to someone else. But that’s OK. I don’t need her beside me to keep her locked in the dungeon of my heart.
In the morning I brush my teeth with hope, and at night before bed I brush them with defeat. Both are mint flavored, so I try not to get them mixed up.
Having a clone to bounce ideas off of would be a way to generate more ideas. Another way would be to build an idea generator that plugs into a wall socket and works only when the power has gone out.
I am a great customer. I’m not a loyal customer, but that’s what makes me great—my willingness to shop other brands for better buys.
If I can just find my wife’s foot under the covers, I know everything will be OK. Then I can put that foot where I hid the rest of her body.
-There’s a beautiful woman here for you who wants to have sex. -Tell her I’m married. Then tell her I’ll be there as soon as I can.
When I first heard Twilight was a book about vampires that sparkled in the light and shape shifters/wolves eager to assist the vampires, I thought, Finally, a metaphorical book dealing with politicians and lobbyists.
Republicans are a glass half full, and Democrats are a glass half empty. Either way, I want a new glass. I want it full, and I want it clean.
I like when wind works. But in this depression, does anything work? If it’s not unemployed, it’s broken. When I hear the politicians talk, all I hear is them breaking wind through their mouths.
You vote Democrat even if you vote Republican, because they’re two sides of the same coin. So stop flipping that coin. The illusion of controlling the outcome of the coin toss is why we’re all poorer.
Arlington National cemetery is huge! But that’s not surprising, because DC is the world’s largest graveyard of good ideas and intentions. Politicians are natural hunters. If there is a good and productive thing, they will surely kill it.
My name is Sam (my name is Am), and I am my own fan. I’m a clone of Jarod Kintz, and he supports my message.
I made love to a woman 20 years older than me. The impressive part is that I was only eleven at the time. I saved my allowance for two years to be able to afford her services.
On TV, I can hit the mute button and silence any moron. I wish real life came with a hush button I could push and enjoy instant quiet.
If the ink of my writing morphed into ants, would they march along with my thoughts? Would they find my work as enjoyable as a picnic? If the answer is no, I wouldn’t hesitate to stomp all over my writing.
I don’t want to rail against modern railroad barons, because this is America, and I believe that I too will one day be wealthy.
In this makeshift place Willie Dunne discovered a peace of sorts. Yes the wild guns struck their great notes in the distance like the bells of a horrific city. Hearts asleep in the shires of England close upon the sea must heard them too. But he fell...
The Writer: At the beginning of the school year, Vern had buried a quart jar of pennies underneath his house. He drew a treasure map so he could find them again. A week later, his mom cleaned out his room and threw away the map. Vern had been trying ...
I've been too many places. I'm like the bad penny.
[Pure research] is worth every penny it costs.
If the wealthy get wealthier, no one has to become one penny poorer.
