Mr. Garrison: What is five times two? [No response from the class] Mr. Garrison: Now come on children, don't be shy, just give it your best shot. [Clive raises his hand] Clive: Twelve. Mr. Garrison: OK, now lets try to get an answer from someone who'...
Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else? Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?
Mr. Mackey: I want to know where you heard all this horrific obscenities, m'kay? Kyle: Nowhere. Stan: We heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before. Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr Garrison ever said: "Eat penguin shit, you ass spelu...
Mr. Mackey: I guess I'll have to send a warning letter out to parents before more children see Terrence & Phillip. Cartman: Everybody's fucking seen it. Mrs. Cartman: Eric! Cartman: I'm sorry I can't help myself. That movie has warped my fragile litt...
everyone: [singing] Thank God we live in this quiet, little, pissant, redneck, podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mudhole, peckerwood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayeseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, whit...
[the Mole ordered Cartman to disable the army camp alarms, but to his surprise the alarms sound when he tries to rescue Terrance and Phillip and he gets set upon by a pack of wild guard dogs, which he manages to escape from] The Mole: [Bloody & morta...
Kyle: You don't think they're really going to kill Terrence and Phillip, do you? Cartman: Kyle you need to stop being such a chicken shit and stand up to your mother!, you need to smack her in the face and say that's enough of your shit you fucking b...
Sheila Broflovski: Kyle you are grounded for two weeks. Sharon Marsh: You too Stan. Mrs. Cartman: And you're grounded for three weeks Eric. Cartman: Hey! Why am I grounded more that's fuckin' bullshit! Mrs. Cartman: What, what, what? What was that wo...
Every child should have a chance to feel special.
When I had to work Shea Stadium for a Mets-Braves game – Atlanta pitcher John Rocker had recently given an interview in which he denounced New Yorkers of all Colors and preferences – I was assigned to a parking lot, where numerous drivers asked m...
Do you know where Jason is?” she asked Dmitri when they exited the morgue. Dmitri pressed the car remote to unlock the flame red Ferrari parked in the employees-only lot. “Tired of your Bluebell already?” A tendril of champagne circled around h...
By the time they were pulling into the parking lot of the A&P, the mood was fading, the moment gone. Amy could feel it go. Perhaps it was nothing more than the two doughnuts expanding in her stomach full of milk, but Amy felt a heaviness begin, a fam...
As a child, I ate up the image Carl strived to portray: An inspirational rags-to-riches tale of a go-getter emerging the hell of his sulfur-scented, Podunk Texas upbringing. With a community college dropout education, Carl managed to reach six figure...
I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes dow...
Airport Lot Attendant: There's a minimum charge of four dollars. Long-term parking charges by the day. Carl Showalter: I guess you think you're... you know, like an authority figure, with that stupid fuckin' uniform, huh buddy? King clip-on-tie there...
First time since I come to Am'rica, I not with husband or Rekha or in restaurant or store or car or apartment. I's all alone and I loves it. First time I feel everything not borrow. What I mean by that? When I with the husband, I seeing everything th...
Carl Showalter: I decided not to park there.
Being out of work for 13 to 15 years is no walk in the park.
What are we out at the park for, except to win?
I worked for the recreation and parks department for a year.
You know, there's endorphins in laughter, as there are endorphins in running in the park.
