[Kevin has just caused a scene in the kitchen and Buzz has him in a headlock] Kate McCallister: Look, stop, stop! What is the matter with you? Kevin McCallister: He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose! He knows I hate sausage and olives and onions...
Policeman: Do you have any disgruntled employees? Nathan Arizona Sr.: Hell, they're all disgruntled. I ain't running no damn daisy farm. My motto is "Do it my way or watch your butt!" Policeman: Well, do you think any of them could've done it? Nathan...
Marko the Mailman: Are the doors covered? [the men cover the doors] Hoffy: Yeah, they're covered. Marko the Mailman: Okay, Steve, give them the radio. [Blondie pulls a radio and earphones from under Steve's pant leg] Marko the Mailman: You can keep i...
But guys like Mason McCarthy stayed glued to your brain long after they had left you behind. They charmed their way into your heart and pants with their smooth words and sinister good looks and then ditched you the second you were deemed old news. St...
I couldn't understand how boldness and sorrow, how you're so hard and do you really care for me? could be so thoroughly bound together. Nor could I begin to fathom how someone so seemingly vulnerable, hesitant, and eager to confide so many uncertaint...
She trailed after him, admiring the line of his back. He began climbing the stairs, and she sighed with pleasure. Every bit of him was gorgeous. “Do you mind if I objectify you?” “Please do,” he said over his shoulder. “Particularly my knee...
He ignored me, thank God, saying to Kat, "Let go of Frosty's leash. You're choking the life out of him." Kat's eyes narrowed to tiny slits, a sure sign of her aggression. "He deserves to choke. He didn't keep little frosty in his pants this summer." ...
It's funny how people think that they have "a right to life". Now isn't that the biggest load you ever heard? You don't have a right to shit your pants on Sunday. Let's take it back to the jungle. Where the fuck are your rights there? No layers in th...
Cookies don't make us fat. They're not to blame for our obesity epidemic. You know what else isn't to blame? Fast food, chips, candy, technology, soda, or anything else. The choices we make over a prolonged period time determine the width of our back...
Yes, I was standing on nothing but congealed starlight. Yes, I was walking up through a savage storm, the wind threatening to tear me off and throw me into the freezing waters of Lake Michigan far below. Yes, I was using a legendary and enchanted mea...
Almsgiving is a major tenet of Islam. It's also a kick in the pants of the highest order. Nothing is as cool as skimming off a couple of hundred thousand from some multinational corporation and handing it out to random strangers. Or writing a harmles...
When you see me in a scarf you may think “Oh, she went to some trouble there.” But no, when I wear a scarf it means” this grey blouse was unwrinkled and those mocha pants make my behind look fine and voila I have a vivid grey,brown and white si...
When I left her office, I felt like she'd gut-punched me, brushed me off, slapped me back and forth, gave me a cool compress to put on my cheeks, cold-cocked me with a stiff uppercut to the jaw, picked me up, brushed me off again, then kicked me in t...
If you don’t know what love feels like, you’re in luck, because I just finished making a new pair of Love Gloves. They’re lined with fur and are perfect for a cold February 14th winter day. I’ll let you borrow them sometime, maybe even this s...
I told him your loins were clearly burning, and he should man up and make a move." "You did not!" "I did. And if he doesn't, then I suggest you jump bones." ... I finally register what he's wearing. It's a handsome skinny black suit with a shiny shee...
When she made her way to the big picture window that framed the dining room table she froze. She stopped breathing. The anger was growing again. It grew up into her throat, where she could taste it, coppery like blood, in the back of her mouth. It gr...
We're the Septembers now. The real ones. We are everything to one another. We don't need to say so; it's just true. Sometimes it seems like we're so close we form one single complete person rather than four separate ones. We settle into types- Bridge...
Shakespeare 'never owned a book,' a writer for the New York Times gravely informed readers in one doubting article in 2002. The statement cannot actually be refuted, for we know nothing about his incidental possessions. But the writer might just as w...
Sunny laughed. "It's okay. You're right, Emma. My name is unusual, but I like to think of it as... special also." Special? Sam cocked his head as he studied Sunny. Almost all of her hair had escaped out of her ponytail now. She wore a baggy pink swea...
Honestly, as much as I love my brother, I’m not sure how I feel about him hanging out in your bedroom.” He reached out with a muscular arm and used his fingers to brush a few strands of hair off my cheek, tucking them behind my ear. I shivered, a...
Ryan couldn't believe his eyes. Gran wearing leather chaps in a Harley shop, talking about her ass. It was a living nightmare. "What am I doing here?" he asked Gran. Before he could read her the riot act on safety, Liz stepped in front of him. Her pi...
