If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. - W.C. Fields
With the death of what described as rational religon and the proponents of what remains sending out such confusing and uncertain messages, all civilised people have to be ethicists. We must work out our own salvation with diligence based on what we b...
My amazing feat features shoes (and feet)—it’s how far I’d walk for love. Guess how far? However far it is from the point I ran out of gas to wherever she is, assuming she’s hanging out at a gas station.
My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?
I once made love to a taco shell stuffed with rancid meat and watery tomato bits. It was the best sex I’ve ever served to an unsuspecting customer.
My armpits are not only rank, but they’re ranked number one in customer satisfaction. Try them for free or your money back.
Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.
Trying to resist my love is like trying to hold back a tsunami with a surfboard. My advice is to take up boogie boarding.
I can take care of myself, but I can’t take care of myself and a child. I’ve decided to give myself up for adoption.
When someone says, “One last thing,” it never is. Unless they die right after speaking. Make sure that they do. Check their pulse to be certain.
I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?
If green is envy and blue is depression, then I’m feeling quite turquoise right now. But maybe with a little luck, I’ll feel teal a little later.
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.
Love lets us ride on its back as if it were a camel. But you’ve got to water it, or it won’t grow into a healthy rose bush.
In a great number of the cosmogonic myths the world is said to have developed from a great water, which was the prime matter. In many cases, as for instance in an Indian myth, this prime matter is indicated as a solution, out of which the solid earth...
If there are two witnesses to a murder, you and the guy you killed, I’d say your secret is safe. I won’t say nothing to nobody.
He attacked me, so I had to slit his throat with a steak knife. But not before I splashed Worcestershire sauce all over it.
Human lives are not pieces of string that can be separated out from a knot of others and laid out straight. Familes are webs. Impossible to touch one part of it without setting the rest vibrating. Impossible to understand one part without having a se...
Starting at the bottom is not about humiliation. It's about humility—a realistic assessment of where you are in the learning curve.
After your visits, I twisted my blinds shut every night. I locked out the stars and I never saw lightning again. Each night, I simply turned out the lights and went to bed.
You'll let him talk you out of your dreams. That's what love does sometimes- talks you out of your dreams." "Not me," Katie said. "Jack would talk me into my dreams.