Martin Van Buren was a shitty guy. Not just because he was a bad president, and not just because he was pro-slavery. Van Buren was shitty in a very general sort of way. And with all that that implies.
You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith.
There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
You know how you have a good meal and you got gravy left on the plate. The gravy was so good that you don’t want to leave it on the plate but you don’t want to be a pig about it? So you take your bread and use it to sop up the rest of the gravy. ...
With still, underneath, the old respectable-girl-versus-slut thing. It’s OK to fuck around if you’re a feminist but it’s also not OK to fuck around because most guys aren’t feminists and won’t respect you and won’t call you again if you f...
I've never had any summer lovin'. And I've never had any school year lovin', either. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never hooked up with a guy. And this morning, on my Internet browser, an article popped up about women marrying themselves. Even my ...
I saw something last night-a flash of power from an unexpected source. I can't jump to conclusions - I've been looking and waiting and watching for too long to make a mistake. But in my guy I feel she's here. She's here and she has power. I need to g...
He looks kind, but he's really a huge sex fiend. He's perverted and spoiled and always jealous. And he hasn't called me for two weeks. But he's cool, isn't he? My guy. I'm the only one that knows...that the coolest part of him is his naked back.
Being pursued, while easy, is purposeful. Intentional. Deliberate. It's not about getting a guy's attention--it's a process of ensuring that he's "the one." Of all the men holding glass slippers, he has to be your perfect fit.
Medium clever,” Simon acknowledged. “Like a cross between George Clooney in Ocean’s Eleven and those MythBusters guys, but, you know, better-looking.” “I’m always so glad I have no idea what you’re vacantly chattering about,” said Jac...
My agent says that I'm a 'repeat business guy.' If you hire me to come do a movie, I'll be on time, know all my material, be ready to go, have a good attitude. I'm here to work, so I get hired over and over again by the same producers. If you just be...
If there's any guy crazy enough to attack me, I'm going to show him the end of the world -- close up. I'm going to let him see the kingdom come with his own eyes. I'm going to send him straight to the southern hemisphere and let the ashes of death ra...
And Nedley started saying,'Shut Up!Quit that! And i knew it really meant something to him. So I asked for his help,"Mark said. "Don't tell the story like that," Nedley laughed. "What he said was 'Quit pretendin you're a bad guy I need your help, and ...
I just wouldn’t want to hook up with a guy unless I really, really like him, and in my experience all boys can be classified as either assholes or bores, unless they’re both. Maybe it’s a blessing, because the last thing I need is relationship ...
Elias revved the engine menacingly. I put my hand on the steering wheel. "That's my mom! Don't even think about it." "How about I just back over the ones behind us?" " Or the ones on the sidewalk," one of the guys in the backseat suggested. "Be serio...
We all have skeletons in our closets. Some of us are just better at hiding them behind the hangers filled with clothes." "Yeah, right, you don't seem like the type of guy who has a pile of femur bones stuffed behind your collared shirts and navy blue...
Some of you have it ingrained in you. You weren't born with it. No baby has hate for anything. We were all babies once, right? This little guy doesn't care what country you were born in or what religion you might practice or how much you weigh or who...
Establishing dominance early in the relationship is key. Vampire children are like human children in that they can sense weakness. They will wait for you to be busy or too distracted to realize that you’ve given them permission to feed on the pizza...
He delivered the mail, ran our modest recycling program, and maintained our handful of public buildings. He also occasionally fell asleep while driving a snowplough, but he was such a cheerful guy it was hard to stay pissed at him. Besides every vill...
You don’t have to sleep with guys,” I whispered, “to make them like you.” Kya stared at me for a moment with heavy eyelids. “You don’t get it, do you, Gracie? I sleep with them so they won’t like me.” My heart broke for her a little m...
How’s yours?” inquires Marv soon after. “Or more to the point, what is it?” “Eggs and cheese and something.” “Do you even like eggs?” “No.” “Then why’d you get it?” “Well, it didn’t look like eggs when it was on that oth...
