Peachy Carnehan: I've come back. Give me a drink, Brother Kipling. Don't you know me? Rudyard Kipling: No. I don't know you. Who are you? What can I do for you? Peachy Carnehan: I told you; give me a drink. It was all settled right here in this offic...
Humphrey: Now, sex. Sex, sex, sex. Where were we? [pupils can't remember] Humphrey: Well, had I got as far as the penis entering the vagina? Pupils: Uh, no, sir. No, sir. Humphrey: Well, had I done foreplay? Pupils: Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Humphrey: Ah. ...
Trapper John: [after practicing golf shots on heli-pad with Hawkeye, a pilot along with Vollmer comes to talk to him] Lieutenant! You look terrible! Look at... Captain look at his eyes. Let me see your tongue. [inserts cigar as thermometer] Trapper J...
Ed Tom Bell: You know Charlie Walser? Has the place east of Sanderson? Well you know how they used to slaughter beeves, hit 'em with a maul right here to stun 'em... and then up and slit their throats? Well here Charlie has one trussed up and all set...
Jiminy Cricket: All right, then, here's what we'll tell 'em. You can't go to the theater. Say thank you just the same - you're sorry, but you've got to go to school. Pinocchio: Mmm-hmm. Foulfellow: Pinocchio! Oh, Pinocchio! Woo-hoo! Jiminy Cricket: H...
Sam Loomis: You never did eat your lunch, did you? Marion Crane: I better get back to the office. These extended lunch hours give my boss excess acid. Sam Loomis: Why don't you call your boss and tell him you're taking the rest of the afternoon off? ...
Tyler: [while creating RoboCop] We were able to save the left arm. Bob Morton: What? I thought we agreed on total body prosthesis. Now, lose the arm, okay? Tyler: Jesus, Morton! [snaps his finger at RoboCop] Bob Morton: Can he understand what I'm say...
[Charlie is meeting Angela for the first time. Angela goes off to get a cup of coffee] Charlie Fineman: Are you kidding me? She's a baby. Alan Johnson: Listen, you're right, she's young. But, she-she's good. She's got a lot of experience with loss an...
[Darth Vader has just learned of Admiral Ozzel's big blunder, and activates a viewscreen] Admiral Ozzel: [appearing onscreen with Captain Piett] Lord Vader, the fleet has moved out of lightspeed and we're preparing to... [Ozzel stops, and suddenly be...
[last lines] Jerry: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all. Osgood: Why not? Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde. Osgood: Doesn't matter. Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time! Osgood: I do...
[Dragon, having a crush on Donkey, is cuddling him] Donkey: [desperately talking] I don't want to rush into a... physical relationship... I'm not that emotionally ready for a... uh... commitment of this... uh... magnitude! Really, that's the word I'm...
[Shrek sneaks up on a mob about to storm his swamp] Villager 1: There's his lair... let's get him! Villager 2: Do you know what that thing could do? It'll grind your bones for its bread! Shrek: Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now ogres, oh, th...
Shane: I gotta be going on. Joey: Why, Shane? Shane: A man has to be what he is, Joey. Can't break the mould. I tried it and it didn't work for me. Joey: We want you, Shane. Shane: Joey, there's no living with... with a killing. There's no going back...
Dr. Josiah Boone: Seems to me I knew your family, Henry. Didn't I fix your arm once when you, oh, bumped off a horse? Ringo Kid: Are you Doc Boone? Dr. Josiah Boone: I certainly am. Ah, let's see... I'd just been honorably discharged from the Union A...
Gold Two: [the Y-wings are running the gauntlet toward the Death Star reactor-port] The guns - they've stopped! Gold Five: [realizes why] Stabilize your rear deflectors... Watch for enemy fighters. Gold Leader: They're coming in! Three marks at 2-10!...
Stan Gursky: Alonzo, heard you had an expensive weekend in Vegas. How did you ever screw up so bad? Alonzo: Hey, I didn't know. It's not my town. I'm not omniscient. Lou Jacobs: The Russians don't care if you have a badge. They'll whack you. You ough...
[Rooster and LaBoeuf are on the ferry; Mattie comes over to get on board] LaBoeuf: You're not gettin' on this ferry. Mattie Ross: This is open to the public. I paid my ten cents for horse and rider. LaBoeuf: Red, take this girl into town to the sheri...
Flynn Rider: [Upon being chased by the Palace Guards, Flynn and the Stabbington Brothers reach a dead end. They are facing a cliff] All right, okay, give me a boost, and I'll pull you up. Stabbington Brother: [the Stabbington Brothers look at each ot...
Virgil: Now the first time you kill somebody, that's the hardest. I don't give a shit if you're fuckin' Wyatt Earp or Jack the Ripper. Remember that guy in Texas? The guy up in that fuckin' tower that killed all them people? I'll bet you green money ...
Michael Dorsey: Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me? George Fields: No, no, that's too limited... nobody in Hollywood wants to work with you either. I can't even set you up for a commercial. You played a *tomato* for 30 seconds -...
George Fields: Where do you come off sending me your roommate's play for you to star in? I'm your agent, not your mother! I'm not supposed to find plays for you to star in - I'm supposed to field offers! And that's what I do! Michael Dorsey: 'Field o...
