Tyler Durden: It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car. Narrator: There's always that.
Tyler Durden: You're too old, fat man. Your tits are too big. [Tyler walks away, throwing his cigarette] Tyler Durden: Get the fuck off my porch.
Mickey Ward: [after seeing the size of his opponent] He did not just get off the fuckin' couch. If he did, I'm gonna buy a couch like that.
[after Kimble jumps off of the dam] Marshal Biggs: Sam, are you out of your mind? He's dead. Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard: That ought to make him easier to catch.
Private Eightball: Oh, sheeit! [laughs] Private Eightball: This baby-san looks like she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
Ferris: [describing Cameron's house] The place is like a museum. It's very beautiful and very cold, and you're not allowed to touch anything.
Sloane: What could happen to it? It's in a garage. Cameron: It could get wrecked, stolen, scratched, breathed on wrong... a pigeon could shit on it! Who knows?
Ferris: [Ferris is calling Cameron at home] Cameron, babe, what's happenin'? Cameron: [Cameron lying in bed underneath covers] Very little.
Sloane: Mr. Rooney... Ed... you're a beautiful man. I want to thank you for your warmth and compassion.
Ed Rooney: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.
Jeannie: In a nutshell: I hate my brother. Boy in Police Station: That's cool. Did you blow him away or somethin'?
Ferris: If you're not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend. Cameron: You've been saying that since the fifth grade.
Ferris: Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours. Cameron: Oh, thanks.
Grace: [a while after the first time Rooney yelled at "Sloane's Dad"] Peterson home on line one. And watch your mouth this time.
Grace: Oh, Ed. You just sounded like Dirty Harry just then. Ed Rooney: Really? Thanks, Grace.
Ed Rooney: How would you feel about another *year* of high school? Under my close personal supervision.
Boy in Police Station: What's your name? Jeannie: It's Jean, but most guys call me Shauna. Boy in Police Station: Okay, Jean.
Clown Barker: Step right up and shoot the pasties off the nipples of a ten foot bull dyke! Win a cotton candy goat!
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to librarian Alice] Are you currently menstruating? Library Administrator: What has that got to do with anything? Dr. Peter Venkman: Back off man, I'm a scientist.
[Amsterdam goes to wipe blood off razor] Priest Vallon: No son, never. The blood stays on the blade. One day you'll understand.
Gobber: Meet the Terrible Terror! Tuffnut: Ha! It's like the size of my... [the Terror leaps onto his face] Tuffnut: OH, GET IT OFF!
