Col. Hans Landa: So who are your three handsome escorts? Bridget von Hammersmark: I'm afraid neither of the three speak a word of German. They're friends of mine from Italy. This is the wonderful Italian stuntman, Enzo Gorlomi; a very talented camera...
Louis: Then out of curiosity, boredom, who knows what, I left the old world and came back to my America. And there, a mechanical wonder allowed me to see the sun rise for the first time in two hundred years. And what sunrises, seen as the human eye c...
George Bailey: [the staff celebrates closing the building and loan company with only two dollars remaining, to stay in business] Get a tray for these two great big important simoleans here. Uncle Billy: We'll save 'em for seed. George Bailey: A toast...
Philippe: [Driss shaves François beard turning into a weird mustache] Oh, it's awful. [moments later, it's turned into a old-fashioned mustache] Philippe: I look like my grandpa. Driss: Okay. Let me shave the rest off. Philippe: [François now has a...
The Bride: What are you doing here? Bill: What am I doing? A moment ago, I was playin' my flute. But this moment, I'm looking at the most beautiful bride these old eyes have ever seen. The Bride: Why are you here? Bill: Last look. The Bride: Are you ...
Mr. Ping: The secret ingredient is... nothing! Po: Huh? Mr. Ping: You heard me. Nothing! There is no secret ingredient. Po: Wait, wait... it's just plain old noodle soup? You don't add some kind of special sauce or something? Mr. Ping: Don't have to....
Valentine: You know what this is like? It's like those old movies we both love. Now I'm going to tell you my whole plan, and then I'm going to come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you, and you'll find an equally convoluted way to escap...
Giosué Orefice: Buttons and soap. Guido: What? Giosué Orefice: They turn us into buttons and soap. Guido: Who told you that? Giosué Orefice: An old man was crying. He said they turn us into buttons and soap. They burn us all up in ovens. Guido: Ho...
Simon Graham: [first lines] Simon Graham: [narrating] They say Japan was made by a sword. They say the old gods dipped a coral blade into the ocean, and when they pulled it out four perfect drops fell back into the sea, and those drops became the isl...
Father Horvak: What's confusing you this week? Frankie Dunn: Oh, it's the same old "one God-three God" thing. Father Horvak: Frankie, most people figure out by kindergarten it's about faith. Frankie Dunn: Is it sort of like Snap Crackle and Pop, all ...
Chow Mo-wan: In the old days, if someone had a secret they didn't want to share... you know what they did? Ah Ping: Have no idea. Chow Mo-wan: They went up a mountain, found a tree, carved a hole in it, and whispered the secret into the hole. Then th...
Mossad Accountant: In the operational funds box we will deposit 250,000 American dollars. You take it out - we put more in. I want receipts! [he slams his hand on his desk for emphasis] Mossad Accountant: You are not working for the Baron Rothschild!...
Satine: [sings] A kiss on the hand may be, quite continental, but diamonds are a girls best friend! A kiss may be grand but it, won't pay the rental on your humble flat, or help you feed your mmhm pussycat! Men grow cold as girls grow old, and we all...
Conrad "Con" Jarrett: It's impossible after all the shit I've pulled. Dr. Berger: What shit have you pulled? [pause] Dr. Berger: Hey, remember, I'm talking proportion here, now what shit? [pause] Dr. Berger: C'mon, you must be able to come up with at...
Pete: I've always wondered, what's the devil look like? Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork. Tommy Johnson:...
Princess Ann: I hate this nightgown. I hate all my nightgowns, and I hate all my underwear too. Countess: My dear, you have lovely things. Princess Ann: But I'm not two hundred years old. Why can't I sleep in pajamas? Countess: Pajamas? Princess Ann:...
Prince John: Hiss! You're never around when I need you! Hiss: Coming, coming. [begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in] Hiss: Oh! there you are old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the...
Shaun: [looking behind Ed's shoulder at the old woman in the pub] All right, what about her, then? Ed: [looking back at her, then to Shaun] Ooooooh... cockacidal maniac. Ex-porn star. She's done it all. They say she starred in the world's first inter...
Gareth Mallory: There's a hearing at ten tomorrow. You're expected to attend. M: Attend in stocks? Who's old-fashioned now? Gareth Mallory: Oh, please! This is a democracy, we're responsible to the people we're supposed to defend! We can't walk in th...
Carlos: No one has ever picked me up and not wanted something. George: I think you picked me up. This is kind of a serious day for me. Carlos: Come on. What could be so serious for a guy like you? George: I'm just trying to get over an old love I gue...
Good Shopper Cashier: How old are you? Seth: ...22. Good Shopper Cashier: [looks skeptical for a second, then smiles] You certainly are! That'll be 80 dollars. Seth: Oh! Okay! [pulls money out of his sleeve] Seth: Pssha! Thank you kindly! Will that d...
