Sam the Lion: If she was here I'd probably be just as crazy now as I was then in about 5 minutes. Ain't that ridiculous?... Naw, it ain't really. 'Cause being crazy about a woman like her is always the right thing to do. Being an old decrepit bag of ...
Andre Baptiste Sr.: [about his child soldiers] I can see what you are thinking. But we need every man we can get. Yuri Orlov: Even if they're not men? Andre Baptiste Sr.: A bullet from a 14-year-old is just as effective as one from a 40-year-old. Oft...
Hawkeye Pierce: All right! I demand an explanation. Hawkeye Pierce: Someone get that dirty old man out of this operating theater. Col. Wallace C. Merril: [taken aback] Dirty old man? I'm Colonel Merrill. Hawkeye Pierce: I don't care if you're Jack Ar...
[D.A. Trotter is making his preliminary remarks to the jury] D.A. Jim Trotter: You're the jury. It's your job to decide who's telling the truth. Truth. That's what 'verdict' means. It's a word comes down from Old England and all our little old ancest...
Ed Tom Bell: Now that's aggravatin'. Wendell: Sheriff? Ed Tom Bell: [points to a bottle of milk] Still sweatin'. Wendell: Whoa, Sheriff! We just missed him! We gotta circulate this! On Radio! Ed Tom Bell: Alright. What we circulate? Lookin' for a man...
Boot Salesman: [Moss walks in wearing his hospital robe] How those Larry's holdin' up? Llewelyn Moss: Uh, oh, good. Good! I need everything else. Boot Salesman: OK. Llewelyn Moss: Lotta people come in here without any clothes on? Boot Salesman: No si...
Sheriff of Nottingham: Criminently, Trigger! Point that peashooter the other way. Trigger: Don't you worry none, Sheriff. The safety's on Old Betsy. [Old Betsy goes off] Sheriff of Nottingham: What in tarnation you tryin' to do, you birdbrain? Trigge...
Moses: Would you bury the old woman alive in a tomb of rock? Yochabel: Wise and noble One, It caught. I have not the strength to free myself. Moses: Your shoulders should not bear a burden, old woman. Yochabel: The Lord has renewed my strength and li...
[last lines] Mattie Ross: Trust you to buy another tall horse. Rooster Cogburn: Yeah. He's not as game as Beau, but Stonehill says he can jump a four rail fence. Mattie Ross: You are too old and fat to be jumping horses. Rooster Cogburn: Well, come s...
[Jack is teaching Rose how to spit] Rose: Mother! May I introduce Jack Dawson? Ruth: Charmed, I'm sure. [Old Rose, voice in off] Old Rose: The others were gracious and curious about the man who had saved my life. But my mother looked at him like an i...
Wendy: Why won't you let him run? Warren: Hey he's too old and his bike's too old. Ali: Well I hear he's come halfway around the world to ride that cycle. Wendy: Yeah, c'mon. Warren: Wendy, if he was to kill himself. Wendy: So! It's his life.
[Alvy questions an old man on the street about his sex life] Alvy Singer: With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana? Old man on street: We use a large vibrating egg. Alvy Singer: [walking away] Wel...
Police Sgt. Brophy: Look, Sergeant, I promised ya I wouldn't swear but what the he - [stops, noticing the Reverend] Police Sgt. Brophy: What's goin' on here anyway? Reverend Harper: Oh, he's quite harmless. Police Sgt. Brophy: Thinks he's Teddy Roose...
Mortimer Brewster: Look, you can't do things like that! Now, I don't know how I can explain this to you. But, it's not only against the law, its wrong! Martha Brewster: Oh, piffle! Mortimer Brewster: It's not a nice thing to do. People wouldn't under...
Jonathan Brewster: Perhaps we'd better introduce ourselves. May I present Dr. Einstein. Elaine Harper: Dr. Einstein? Jonathan Brewster: A surgeon of great distinction... and something of a magician. Elaine Harper: Now, I suppose you're going to tell ...
[to Mortimer] Elaine Harper: We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to kill me. A taxi is waiting and now you want to sleep on a window seat. You can take the honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, y...
Mortimer Brewster: Now look, darling, how did he die? Abby Brewster: Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it. Mortimer Brewster: Well, how did the poison get in the wine? Martha Brewster:...
Teddy Brewster: Gentlemen, what news have you brought me? Police Sgt. Brophy: [salutes] Colonel, we have nothing to report. Officer Patrick O'Hara: Huh? [Brophy elbows him and he salutes also] Officer Patrick O'Hara: Oh, no! Absolutely nothing to rep...
Alice: [as a giant] And as for you... Your Majesty! Your Majesty indeed! Why, you're not a queen, [shrinking] Alice: But just a - a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty...! [normal size] Alice: Tyrant. Queen of Hearts: [giggles] And uh, just what were y...
Doc: And in the future, we don't need horses. We have motorized carriages called automobiles. Saloon Old Timer #3: If everybody's got one of these auto-whatsits, does anybody walk or run anymore? Doc: Of course we run. But for recreation. For fun. Sa...
I used to feel for years and years and years that I was very remiss not to have written a novel and I would question people who wrote novels and try to find out how they did it and how they had got past page 30. Then, with the approach of old age, I ...
