Linguini: [to Remy] Okay, so let's think this out. You know how to cook, and I know how to... appear human. We just need to work out a system so that I do what you want, in a way that doesn't look like I'm being controlled by a tiny rat chef - oh wil...
Jerry Wexler: Ruth Brown's got a tour booked in Georgia. She needs a band. Ray Charles: I'll take it. I could write the charts for her, I could do backup, and I could also be an opening act. Ahmet Ertegun: Okay. But you're gonna be financially respon...
Marko the Mailman: Are the doors covered? [the men cover the doors] Hoffy: Yeah, they're covered. Marko the Mailman: Okay, Steve, give them the radio. [Blondie pulls a radio and earphones from under Steve's pant leg] Marko the Mailman: You can keep i...
Grace: Mason, you have no idea what I'm going through right now. Mason: Then tell me. That's how this works. You talk to me about it so that I can take your hand and fucking walk through this shit with you. That is what I signed up for, Okay? But I c...
Donkey: Okay, so here's another question: Say there's a woman who digs you, right, but you really don't like her THAT quick - now how do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you...
Good Shopper Cashier: How old are you? Seth: ...22. Good Shopper Cashier: [looks skeptical for a second, then smiles] You certainly are! That'll be 80 dollars. Seth: Oh! Okay! [pulls money out of his sleeve] Seth: Pssha! Thank you kindly! Will that d...
Clarence Worley: Eliot, do I look like a beautiful blonde with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice cream? Elliot: What? Clarence Worley: I said do I look like a beautiful blonde with big big tits and an ass that tastes like French...
Buzz: I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet. Woody: Oh. Well, that's good. Buzz: But we're not on my planet, are we? Woody: No. Daaaah-oof! Buzz: [he attacks Woody] Woody: O...
Artie Fufkin: [after nobody turns up, at an album-signing promotion] You know what I want you to do? Will you do something for me? David St. Hubbins: What? Artie Fufkin: Do me a favor. Just kick my ass, okay? Kick this ass for a man, that's all. Kick...
Owen: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave! Duncan: What? Owen: Yeah. You're going to have to take off. We're getting complaints. You're having way too much fun. It's making everyone uncomfortable. Duncan: Okay. [he gets up to leave] Owen: H...
Brendan Conlon: You never had any interest in underdogs. But I was your son. Paddy Conlon: You *are* my son, Brendan. Brendan Conlon: Am I? Paddy Conlon: Yeah, you are. I'm just asking you if can find... find a little bit of space in your heart to fo...
Debbie Dunham: Is that tuck and roll? Terry Fields: Yeah! Debbie Dunham: That's bitchin' tuck and roll! You know, I really love the feel of tuck and roll upholstery. Terry Fields: You do? Debbie Dunham: Yeah. Terry Fields: Yeah? Well, get in and I'll...
[Talking to friend on the phone that insists people call him Rocky instead of Goon] Billy Brown: You know why they call you Goon? Because you're retarded. And you're ugly. You're an ugly retard. And they call you Goon because you're ugly and retarded...
[first lines] Prison Guard #1: Yeah, the Assistant Warden wants this one out of the block early. Wants to get it over with fast. Prison Guard #2: Okay, let's do it. [rattling the bars with his baton] Prison Guard #1: Hey come on, it's time to wake up...
John Bender: My impression of life at Big Bri's house, "Son?" "Yeah, Dad?" "How was your day, son?" "Great, Dad. How's yours?" "Super. Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, Dad. But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son. You can...
The Big Lebowski: Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lebowski? [the Dude walks out and shuts the door] The Big Lebows...
Craig Schwartz: If I can guess your name in three tries, you have to come have a drink with me tonight. Maxine: Why not? Craig Schwartz: Okay. You look like a... BarrrRuuu - BellllLuuuu - Lllll - Carolllll - Taaaa-Sharrr - - SusaaannnEmmmmilllly - - ...
Celine: Tell him to pick you up at Quai Henri Quatre. Jesse: Oh, shit. K-kay... Celine: Henri Quatre. Quai... Jesse: K-k-k... Celine: Henri Quatre. Jesse: [laughing] On... Celine: What's wrong with you? No, do you want be to - Henri Quatre. Jesse: He...
Thomas Leroy: Are you okay? Nina: I'm fine. Thomas Leroy: Nina. Nina: What? Thomas Leroy: I've already asked Lily. Nina: Have you announced it? [pauses] Nina: After Beth do you really need another controversy? I'm here, Thomas. I'm doing it. Thomas L...
There are times when I'm caught up in everything and I have to say to myself, "Please feel good; please feel better; everything's okay; you're fine; things aren't falling apart; take a second; get back to a place where you realize that you don't actu...
I understand that you want to have fun. That you like to distract yourself from life by going and doing these ridiculous things and laughing the whole time while you do them. I know you want to pretend that everything’s okay by trying your best to ...
