Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper? Brian: Did you say "ex-leper"? Ex-Leper: That's right, sir, 16 years behind a veil and proud of it, sir. Brian: Well, what happened? Ex-Leper: Oh, cured, sir. Brian: Cured? Ex-Le...
Humbert Humbert: Well, it's nothing, but... she had an accident. Clare Quilty: Oh gee, she had an accident? That's really terrible, I mean, fancy a fellow's wife having... a normal guy having... his wife having an accident like that. W-what happened ...
Malcolm Tucker: All right now, my lovely friends, the bottom line is... Michael Rodgers: Oh, God, I hate that phrase. "Bottom line." I mean, we're not in retailing. Malcolm Tucker: Sorry. Michael's quite right. I won't use that again. The bottom line...
Olive: [going over eye test pamphlets] Mom, Dwayne's got 20/20 vision! Sheryl: I bet he does... Olive: Now, let's see if you're colorblind. [opens the pamphlet] Olive: What's the letter in the circle? [Dwayne looks confused] Olive: No in the circle. ...
Charlotte: [after Bob tells her of his back pain] I'm in pain, I got my foot banged up. Wanna see it? Bob: [to Chef, sarcastically] How do you say no? [sees the foot] Bob: Oh, my gosh! When did you do this? Charlotte: I did it the other day, it hurts...
Sir Lancelot: [Sir Galahad the Chaste is being seduced by an entire castle full of young women] We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. Sir Galahad: I don't think I was. Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. Sir Galah...
Phil Parma: When was the last time you talked to your son? Earl Partridge: ...I don't know. Ten, maybe... five... *moans*... that's another thing that goes... Phil Parma: Your memory? Earl Partridge: Time lines, you know? I remember things, but not.....
Sulley: Mike, this isn't Boo's door. Mike: Boo? What's Boo? Sulley: That's... what I decided to call her. Is there a problem? Mike: Sulley, you're not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it. Now put that thing back wh...
[after all the other Senators walk out] Jefferson Smith: Oh, Mr. President, we seem to be alone. I, I'm not complaining for a social reason; it's just, I think it'd be a pity if these gentlemen missed any of this, and... [Clarissa starts waving from ...
Kate Grant: [looking at graves] There's Woody's little sister, Rose. She was only nineteen when she was killed in a car wreck near Wausa. What a whore! David Grant: Mom! Kate Grant: Nah, I liked Rose, but my God, she was a slut. David Grant: C'mon......
Helmut Grokenberger: [Yoyo and Helmut happen to be wearing markedly similar winter hats] We have the same... we have the same hat. Yoyo: What? Helmut Grokenberger: The same hat. Yoyo: No, no no, mine's different. Helmut Grokenberger: Oh no, it's the ...
[Clark has just been pulled over by a Colorado motorcycle cop] Clark: Hi officer, what's the problem? Motorcycle Cop: Get out of the car! [Clark exits from the car] Clark: I don't think I was speeding. Was I weaving or something? Motorcycle Cop: Shut...
Clark: Oh, you can't think I'd do this on purpose? Look... I tied him to the rear bumper while I was packing the car. It was very confusing. I must have forgot. I'm very sorry, I feel terrible. Motorcycle Cop: How do you think that little dog feels? ...
Peter Gibbons: It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel o...
[fencing] Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful. Man in Black: Thank you; I've worked hard to become so. Inigo Montoya: I admit it, you are better than I am. Man in Black: Then why are you smiling? Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know. M...
Cornwall Cousins: Charles, is Jack Barry single? Charles Van Doren: I think so. Cornwall Cousins: My roommate has a huge crush on him, she wants you to introduce her. Cornwall Cousins: What's Dave Garroway like? Charles Van Doren: Cheap. Cornwall Aun...
Little John: You know something, Robin? You're taking too many chances. Robin Hood: Chances? You must be joking! That was just a bit of a lark, Little John. Little John: Oh, yeah? Take a look at your hat. That's not a candle on a cake. Robin Hood: [r...
[first lines] Student: If, and only if, both sides of the numerator is divisible by the inverse of he square root of the two unassigned variable. School Professor: Good. Except when the value of the "X" coordinate is equal to or less than the value o...
Immigration Officer #2: So where's your old man now? Tony Montana: He dead. He die. Sometime. Somewhere. Immigration Officer #2: Mother? Tony Montana: She dead too. Immigration Officer #1: What kind of work you do in Cuba, Tony? Tony Montana: Ah, you...
[Picard puts his hand on the Phoenix] Captain Jean-Luc Picard: It's a boyhood fantasy... I must have seen this ship hundreds of times in the Smithsonian but I was never able to touch it. Lieutenant Commander Data: Sir, does tactile contact alter your...
Shaun: Well maybe one should do the other, and then do themselves. Liz: Oh maybe you should do me, I'll only muck it up if I have to do myself. [Shaun mimes shooting Liz and then himself, to see how it feels] Shaun: You know, I don't think I've got i...
