Standing at a urinal, I hold my penis like a cold beer. You look thirsty and sober, so can I get something to drink? You’re expression, is it dehydration—or is it love?
Forget seeing the future. Most people can’t see the present until it’s in the past. Like me, all my I love yous match up with all my ex’s I loved yous.
I loved her like I needed her. I soaked her up like a soup bowl made of bread. I’m hungry for her even as I write this now. Somebody get me a spoon!
I have a chip on my shoulder. I don’t have a bad attitude, I have a nacho, and I’m saving it for later. People don’t realize how hungry love makes us.
I didn’t accuse her of lying, even though her story had more holes in it than a penis (one). When she said she loved me, I said, “I’ve got to pee.
Sunglasses block the sun, but why bother with all that when my love could do it more effectively? My love shines so bright it makes the sun seem like the moon.
I’ll tell you what I can do, but I’ll tell you silently and invisibly, because honestly, there’s nothing I can do. And what I can do is love you.
I wish I could plug my electronics into a lake and have them powered by lightning. Or better yet—why can’t my love be used to light up the whole world?
Love takes courage, if you’re doing it right. Not the kind of courage a soldier has, but the kind of courage a writer has. Say, I’m a writer, and I’m a lover—therefore I must be courageous.
Our love was full of passion that only youth can provide. When she left me, I was heartbroken. But it was inevitable. Kindergarten was just around the corner, and we were both going to different schools.
In an ideal world, you could reunite the Pakistan-occupied part of Kashmir with the Indian-occupied part and restore the old borders. You could have both India and Pakistan agreeing to guarantee those borders, demilitarise the area, and to invest in ...
Max Belfort: $430,000 in one month, Jordy. huh? Jordan Belfort: They're business expenses. Max Belfort: Jordy, look what you've got here. Look at this! $26,000 for one dinner. Jordan Belfort: No, no, this can be explained. Dad, we had clients, Pfizer...
Jordan Belfort: People say shit... I mean like, you married your cousin or some stupid shit. Donnie Azoff: Yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever, but it's not like what you think. Jordan Belfort: Is she like, a first cousin? Donnie Azoff: Her father...
Jordan Belfort: [Wakes up on plane; finds he is restrained by a seatbelt across his chest] Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck. Donnie. Donnie this isn't... this isn't funny, you gotta untie me, buddy. Donnie Azoff: I can't untie you! The captain tied you up, he ...
Statistically, Portland, Oregon has the most street kids, like kids that run away from home and live on the street. It's like a whole culture thing there. If you walk around on the streets, there are kids living on the streets, begging for money, but...
Let's think about Mexican streets: they're unsafe because of violence, so people stay at home. Does that make streets more or less safe? Less safe! So streets become more desolate and unsafe, so we stay home more - which makes streets even more desol...
I remember an article, I can't recall who by, it was after the fall of the Berlin Wall, which said that now the Wall was down, there could be no more class war. Only someone with money could ever say such a thing.
[Blue Star has gone from 24 to 16 1/2 in a very short time] Gordon Gekko: Fox, where the hell are you? I am losing MILLIONS! You got me into this airline and you sure as hell better get me out or the only job you'll ever have on the Street is SWEEPIN...
Love is two unicorns arguing over which is better: one animal with two horns, like a bull, or two animals with one horn apiece. I guess it doesn’t matter, because you should never debate when you’re horny.
I’d be willing to walk around wearing clothes from the 1930s, telling everyone I am a time traveler. You’ve got to do more than dig if you want to earn the love of a dead women.
The easiest way to get a girl you like to like you back is to initially tell her you’re gay, and then later be all like, I think I’m in love with you—I think you turned me straight.
