Forget seeing the future. Most people can’t see the present until it’s in the past. Like me, all my I love yous match up with all my ex’s I loved yous.
I loved her like I needed her. I soaked her up like a soup bowl made of bread. I’m hungry for her even as I write this now. Somebody get me a spoon!
I have a chip on my shoulder. I don’t have a bad attitude, I have a nacho, and I’m saving it for later. People don’t realize how hungry love makes us.
I didn’t accuse her of lying, even though her story had more holes in it than a penis (one). When she said she loved me, I said, “I’ve got to pee.
Sunglasses block the sun, but why bother with all that when my love could do it more effectively? My love shines so bright it makes the sun seem like the moon.
I’ll tell you what I can do, but I’ll tell you silently and invisibly, because honestly, there’s nothing I can do. And what I can do is love you.
I wish I could plug my electronics into a lake and have them powered by lightning. Or better yet—why can’t my love be used to light up the whole world?
Love takes courage, if you’re doing it right. Not the kind of courage a soldier has, but the kind of courage a writer has. Say, I’m a writer, and I’m a lover—therefore I must be courageous.
Our love was full of passion that only youth can provide. When she left me, I was heartbroken. But it was inevitable. Kindergarten was just around the corner, and we were both going to different schools.
In an ideal world, you could reunite the Pakistan-occupied part of Kashmir with the Indian-occupied part and restore the old borders. You could have both India and Pakistan agreeing to guarantee those borders, demilitarise the area, and to invest in ...
Love is two unicorns arguing over which is better: one animal with two horns, like a bull, or two animals with one horn apiece. I guess it doesn’t matter, because you should never debate when you’re horny.
I’d be willing to walk around wearing clothes from the 1930s, telling everyone I am a time traveler. You’ve got to do more than dig if you want to earn the love of a dead women.
The easiest way to get a girl you like to like you back is to initially tell her you’re gay, and then later be all like, I think I’m in love with you—I think you turned me straight.
Nothing says I love you like the gift of a half-eaten candy bar. I ate my half two weeks before I remembered to give it to her.
When I hear someone’s sick, my first thought is selfishly, Better him than me. My second thought is more altruistic: Better him than one of my loved ones.
I hate when a manager falls in love with an employee. Well, if she won’t date me, I just won’t put her on the schedule. If she won’t give me the time of day, I won’t give her any hours.
Love means more to me than you’ll ever know. Well, unless the person reading this is my clone. But then my question is: what are you doing reading? Get back to work, slave, and make me some money.
Many people nowadays live in a series of interiors...disconnected from each other. On foot everything stays connected, for while walking one occupies the spaces between those interiors in the same way one occupies those interiors. One lives in the wh...
No one can occupy your generosity except you. Who can occupy your patience when impatience roars through you? Who except you can choose not to act with judgment when all of your thoughts are judgmental? Your life is yours to live, no matter how you c...
Today I am in love. Today is Tuesday, although the day of the week has no influence or impact on the fact that I’m in love. It could be Monday and I’d still be in love, though in that case I would be both in love and depressed at the same time.
I loved her like silence looks black when you try to touch it. I don’t remember her name or what she looked like or what her voice sounded like or anything she’s ever said or written, and that’s why I think I love her.
