I have the dance moves of a mustache, and a singing voice that sounds like a beard on the inside of my cheeks. Carry my love like karaoke in your pocket.
I’m divorced, so I know what it takes to make a marriage work. My love is like an empty box of desert. Just add water.
I wore a long white dress shirt and no pants, so it looked like a white dress. I felt like a bride in love. Well, at least until my boss fired me.
My gas tank is empty, and my stomach is empty, but my heart if full—of love. However, per gallon, I think I paid too much.
I believe in love at first sight, if both people are blind at the time they become smitten with each other.
I enjoy the sounds of morning. My favorite is the shush of orgasm. If you tell me you love me, I might tell you the time.
He asked me an important question, so I said nothing, but silently reached for a piece of paper and scribbled down the words: Peacocks love peach cobbler.
I accidentally sealed the box shut with my penis still inside, not realizing I may need to use it later. Being in love can be so distracting.
Love is like a cloud in a lake. It’s reflective and makes it feel like you are flying, when you are really either swimming or trying not to drown.
It's amazing how fast science took off when I took off my pants. Come back! I need that microscope to make love.
Love is like how I looked at tomorrow yesterday. That was then, that was now, this is now, but this isn’t then. It’s all so confusing that I just want tomorrow to hurry up and be yesterday already.
We got into an argument over the color of love. I said it was pink, and he said it was red. So you see, I had no other choice but to stab him.
I think you’ll find that in the long run, marathons are more of a sprint. So it is with my love, and no matter how many times you flush, the water level remains constant.
Rooster Cogburn: The jakes is occupied. Mattie Ross: I know it is occupied Mr. Cogburn. As I said, I have business with you. Rooster Cogburn: I have prior business. Mattie Ross: You have been at it for quite some time, Mr. Cogburn. Rooster Cogburn: T...
I did a finger painting today, and you can hardly even see my brushstrokes. Similarly, when we make love, you won’t even notice that I’m there.
Human sperm is liquefied dandelion florets, and an estimated one out of every thousand children are born as flowers. This is an indisputable fact, just as being love can elongate the genitals to cucumber-like proportions. Salad anyone?
We made love like two shy people who acted like we’ve never acted in front of a camera before. Aside from the lead actor, I was also the producer, director, cameraman, and financier.
Love is a feel-good feeling, like feeling a cat’s fur while my hair is on fire and my grandpa is reciting the pledge of allegiance while staring at my star-spangle-bannered boxers.
I can’t remember what I said to her, and she can’t remember what she heard. I must have said I love you.
Seeing that the pizza slice came to a point, I picked it up and tried to stab my attacker with it. When you’re in love, you’ll do whatever is necessary to protect that person from imminent danger.
Standing at a urinal, I hold my penis like a cold beer. You look thirsty and sober, so can I get something to drink? You’re expression, is it dehydration—or is it love?
