God, the devil, and Orafoura were walking along a river one day when they came across three naked women splashing in the water. God turned to the other two and said, "Ten talents to the one who can get them fully clothed the fastest." The devil, alwa...
Yet she lays out this family plan the way you’d say, “After yoga, I’ll go to Lia’s for the mani-special and then wax on about hairstyles and hemlines until dinner.” If I were gifted at making long-term plans, which by now we all know I’m ...
I imagined the lies the valedictorian was telling them right now. About the exciting future that lies ahead. I wish she'd tell them the truth: Half of you have gone as far in life as you're ever going to. Look around. It's all downhill from here. The...
It was a pretty sight, and a seasonable one, that met their eyes when they flung the door open. In the fore-court, lit by the dim rays of a horn lantern, some eight or ten little field-mice stood in a semicircle, red worsted comforters round their th...
In the Christian religion, though perhaps not in any other, we frequently find a conception of god that is selfcontradictory and therefore corresponds to nothing. That is the conception formed by the following three propositions taken together: 1. Go...
I myself have dreamed up a structure intermediate between Dyson spheres and planets. Build a ring 93 million miles in radius - one Earth orbit - around the sun. If we have the mass of Jupiter to work with, and if we make it a thousand miles wide, we ...
How can I begin to tell you how much I miss you without using those three common words that can't even start to express the magnitude nor the depth of my emotions. How can I write in my own blood while wanting to revert its color. The color of blood ...
Inside the music like this, she understood many things. She understood that Simon was a disappointed man if he needed, at this age, to tell her he had pitied her for years. She understood that as he drove his car back down the coast toward Boston, to...
Anybody may blame me who likes, when I add further, that, now and then, when I took a walk by myself in the grounds; when I went down to the gates and looked through them along the road; or when, while Adele played with her nurse, and Mrs. Fairfax ma...
In 2001, the oil companies, the war contractors and the Neo-Con-Artists seized the economy and added $4 trillion of unproductive spending to the national debt. We now pay four times more for defence, three times more for gasoline and home-heating oil...
Christine Collins: He's not my son. Capt. J.J. Jones: Mrs. Collins... Christine Collins: No, I don't know why he's saying that he is, but he's not Walter and there's been a mistake. Capt. J.J. Jones: I thought we agreed to give him time to adjust. Ch...
Dirty Tricks #4: [Plotting about how to clear the Devil's Tower area of its population] Contaminated water. Affects people, crops, animals. Disease. Dirty Tricks #3: Yeah, epidemic. Dirty Tricks #1: What kind of disease? Dirty Tricks #3: A plague. A ...
Kevin Lomax: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I know you've spent all morning listening to Mr. Broygo talk; I know you're hungry; what I need to tell you won't take very long at all. I don't like Alexander Cullen. I don't think he's a nice person. I...
Doc Jay: Cowboy! Private Cowboy: What? Doc Jay: We can't leave him out there! Private Cowboy: We're not leaving. We'll get him when the tank comes up. Doc Jay: He's hit three fuckin' times, he can't wait that long! Private Cowboy: I've seen this befo...
Trini 'Gordo' Garcia: In France, we hit the beach right after D-Day and fought through all those fucking hedgerows. We finally broke out into open country. And bypassed all these Kraut divisions. We linked up with the Canadians and British and trappe...
Raoul Duke: We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat...
[gathering wood to shore up the tunnels, Hilts removes the wooden slats from bunk beds in the sleeping area of the prisoner barracks, holding a stack of them, and walks carefully out into the hallway] Cavendish: [passes Hilts in the hallway on his wa...
Warden: Bridges, you Carlin boys, don't forget your tickets back to my little hotel [throws their guns and gun belts on the ground] Warden: Don't worry, they ain't loaded. Stacey Bridges, Outlaw: What about our horses? We rode in here on three good a...
Brody: Is it true that most people get attacked by sharks in three feet of water about ten feet from the beach? Hooper: Yeah. Brody: And that... and that before people started to swim for recreation - I mean before sharks knew what they were missing ...
Galadriel: The power of the Three Rings is ended. The time has come... for the dominion of Men. Elrond: [in Elvish] The Sea calls us home. Bilbo: [smiling] I think I'm... quite ready for another adventure! [Bilbo climbs on board with Elrond. Galadrie...
Scuttle: Well, look at what the catfish dragged in! [laughs] Scuttle: Look at ya! Look at ya! There's something different. Don't tell me. I got it. It's your hairdo, right? You've been using the dinglehopper, right? [Ariel shakes her head] Scuttle: N...
