[Ralphie is visiting Santa at the department store, only he can't remember what he wanted] Santa Claus: How about a nice football? Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Football? Football? What's a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out 'footb...
Dr. King Schultz: And as if on cue, here comes the sheriff! Sheriff Bill Sharp: [Comes in tavern] Okay, boys, fun's over! Come on out. [Bill Sharp leads Schultz and Django outside while an anxious crowd watches] Sheriff Bill Sharp: Alright folks, cal...
[Jeannie enters Mr. Rooney's office] Grace: Hello, Jeannie. Who's bothering you now? Jeannie: Is Mr. Rooney in? Grace: No, I'm sorry. He's not. May I help you? Jeannie: I seriously doubt it. When's he back? Grace: Well, I don't know. He's left the sc...
Nick Dunne: You fucking cunt! Amy Dunne: I'm the cunt you married. The only time you liked yourself was when you were trying to be someone this cunt might like. I'm not a quitter, I'm that cunt. I killed for you; who else can say that? You think you'...
Gandalf: Oh, it's you. Radagast the Brown: Why am I here, Gandalf? Gandalf: Trust me, Radagast. I would not have called you here without good reason. Radagast the Brown: [Radagast removes his hat to allow the birds to hide underneath] This is not a n...
Kent Mansley: Please, Sir, I've got a feeling about this one. General Rogard: That's nice, Mansley, but let me explain how things are supposed to work. If you had, say, a footprint, I might be able to send over an expert to make a plaster cast of it....
[Phyllis comes out of the bedroom, sees Billy and screams] Billy Kramer: Hi. Phyllis Bernard: Hi. Billy Kramer: What's your name? Phyllis Bernard: I'm Phyllis Bernard. Billy Kramer: Who? Phyllis Bernard: I'm a friend... uh, business associate of your...
Mike: Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Come on, tell me it's a new haircut, isn't it? It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been...
Mike: Hello, is this thing on? Hey, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Nice to be here in... your room. Hi, where are you from? [kid doesn't answer] Mike: You're in kindergarden, right? I used to love kindergarden. Best three years of my life. [stil...
Charlie: [Trying to reassure George, who is in crutches after too many encounters with the CDA] Now, George, I know you can do this. I picked out an easy door for you, in Nepal. Nice, quiet Nepal. George Sanderson: You know, you're right. Here, Take ...
Noel Coward: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean. [singing] Noel Coward: Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? / Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? / It's swell to have a stiffy. /...
Alonzo: Today's a training day, Officer Hoyt. Show you around, give you a taste of the business. I got 38 cases pending trial, 63 in active investigations, another 250 on the log I can't clear. I supervise five officers. That's five different persona...
[Alabama walks into her room and sees Virgil sitting on a couch holding a shotgun] Virgil: Hi. Alabama: Hi... cigarette? Virgil: No... that's a very nice outfit. Alabama: This? I got this in Las Vegas, Nevada. [pause] Virgil: Alabama, where's our cok...
Jeff Bebe: Some people have a hard time explaining rock 'n' roll. I don't think anyone can really explain rock 'n' roll. Maybe Pete Townshend, but that's okay. Rock 'n' roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking... and it's not about money and popular...
She will try to find the nice way to exercise intelligence. But intelligence is not ladylike. Intelligence is full of excesses. Rigorous intelligene abhors sentimentality, and women must be sentimental to value the dreadful silliness of the men aroun...
Arms and legs thrashing. The hammer of blood. I’m coming, says Jude. And holds her breath. Orgasm is brief, nonviolent. What color? I say Devastating blue, she says. The pale blue eyes of a murdered boy. Very nice. You remembered, she says. Jude co...
What’s your name?' she asked, and surprised herself. But for some reason, she wanted to know. Dean’s brother—he hadn’t been just some nameless Bad Guy Number Four. This vampire wasn’t, either. He had a name, a history, maybe even people who...
Girls get screwed. Not that kind of screwed, what I mean is, they're always on the short end of things. The way things work, how guys feel great, but make girls feel cheap for doing exactly what they beg for. The way they get to play you, all the whi...
I am convinced that being fully committed to the moment, without any worries about the past or projections into the future, is the best attribute a closer can have. You wonder why the shelf life of so many short relievers is, well, so short? Why guys...
I felt a hand on my back, movement behind me, my guys making room, someone squeezing into our circle, and then one last hand joined the pile: my Korean aide. I guess it made sense. We were her real family. The closest thing she’d ever had to a real...
If Cameron kidnaps you, kills you, then buries your lifeless body in a shallow grave in the desert where your remains lay decomposing for several decades until they're accidentally discovered by some guy on a journey to awaken his spirit at the Salin...
