Quotes of: New-books Keyword

The patrons aren’t patronizing the store, and it’s not just the economy that’s keeping them out—it’s that nobody here likes to be patronized.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bachelor’s degree.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

He said he didn’t think he is good, but you can tell that secretly he thinks he’s good. And he’s right—he’s not good.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I love writing about love, even though I’m an emotional orphan. I didn’t abandon my feelings—they abandoned me!

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If jellybeans came in a broader flavor base that included emotions too, I’d avoid the red ones, because they would taste like rage.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

We are the wire, and tomorrow is like yesterday with a furry back. Don’t pet me, Tuesday! Please don’t Wednesday with my emotions.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When congratulations are in order, I like to wait until they’re out of order to offer a high five or enthusiastic pat on the back.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Today I found yet more evidence that I’m a lunatic. The proof came in a package in the mail. The sender? Myself. The evidence? Tampered with.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

To take another person’s life for personal gain is the most selfish act imaginable. Especially when that other person is your clone.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m always amazed that my twin has the same birthday as me, and that he doesn’t exist. I wonder if I exist?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I respect my elders, but I don’t respect the Myelders, who are my neighbors, because they are so neglectful of their lawn that it’s like they don’t even exist.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

In my experience, I’ve found myself to be inexperienced. But at least I found myself. Some people spend their lives searching in vain.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Experience counts for something. I count with my fingers. I could count on you, but you’ve only got one finger for me (the middle one).

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I like undressing women with my eyes, but I just can’t quite figure out how to unstrap their bras with my eyelids.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

It’s spring now, and I was just thinking that I haven’t been in love since the fall. The fall of the Roman Empire.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I'm not famous, but some people know me by name. Other people know me by number. That number is four.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My niece just turned one. I gave her a birthday card that read, "If you can read this, Happy Birthday!

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I couldn’t have pulled it off if you hadn’t have pulled out all those years ago. So thanks, dad.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My dad always used to tell me __________________. My dad never told me anything. He had nothing to say, and even less to say to me.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’d like to change my name, as my father isn’t worthy of having the same last name as me. I’m a rebel without a because.

This Book is Not FOR SALE