Quotes of: New-books Keyword

I am marvelously absurd in my cloudless thought formation.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I want to be the world’s safest fashion designer. And I always wear my seatbelt, especially when I’m in the car.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If I had four fingers growing out of my forehead, I wouldn't try to play the piano with my nose.

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If you have a broken heart, I’d like to fix it. Repairs start at just $69. Special delivery charges may apply.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

There’s a lot of June birthdays in June. There’s also a few in May and July. Reminds me of that one night with April. That was a long month.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Love takes many forms, but I’ll bet none of them are tax forms. I would work for the IRS, but I’m just not that romantic.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

After work, to unwind, I stand in the yard and act like a windmill. Plus, I never know when love will blow my way.

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If you bulk order enough sound, you get a discount by volume. The guys in the warehouse know me by the codename Helen Keller.

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A road that’s narrower than the width of my car’s wheels could only be lover’s lane. Hitchhikers make the best lovers.

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I went to Bath and Body Works this morning, because I really needed a shower. Hygiene is important to society, I have discovered.

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If I could adorn myself with a question, I’d wear a where. It would never go out of style, because location is everything.

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I’m wearing my End of the Dance Underwear. They’re soggy. It seems these days everything is saturated with my love for you.

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We made love like flamingoes are pink. The lights were off, so I couldn’t actually see what color the flamingoes were, but they sounded pink.

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It was a blustery winter night, back in the summer of 2009. That’s when we met, and that’s when I knew it was love, two years before.

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Never sit on a freshly painted bench, or stand on a wet wall. That’s a lesson in love I had to learn the sideways way.

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It pours itself. My love, I mean. I hope you like a lot of gravy on your mashed potatoes!

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I suppose Orafoura was right about the vagina. It is such a wonderful spot to vacation. I’d recommend taking the whole family.

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Our meeting will keep, but my meatloaf and bowl of masturbation in the fridge won’t. Everybody at the political campaign loves when I bring food.

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It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If you were to ask me if I have ever loved a woman, I'd probably reply, "Two gallons of milk and a midget.

This Book is Not FOR SALE