If you have to dig to find yourself, you are probably dead.
I don’t eat Sloppy Joes. I eat Tidy Josephs.
I ate a pound cake today, but I gained two.
Bring on hyperinflation! I want to be a millionaire with minimal work.
I made friends with the future. But I’m still friends with the past.
In high school I attended a magnet school—for refrigerators.
I am illiterate. Just not in English.
Algebra is numbers forgetting why they’re letters.
Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.
Who was where when has no impact on where you are now.
My name is Couch Choochoo, and I’m here to train you.
I’ve been to 8 Mile. I condensed a half marathon into it.
If I were a number, I’d want to have sextillion with you.
What I’m doing is not doing anything, and I’m doing a half-ass job.
The dolphin is a mammal, but it can’t walk. However, it can hitchhike.
I’m in good shape. That shape is round.
Cats are bundles of cute, wrapped in fur and purrs.
I have the heart of a lion, and the circulatory system of a lamb.
Love rules the world. Like a tyrant.
Sorry I’m late. Traffic was nonexistent.
Don’t step on my toes. Especially if I’m walking on my hands.
