Quotes of: Naming Keyword

The drinking of coffee is an absolute sin! Our Glorious Prophet did not partake of coffee because he knew it dulled the intellect, caused ulcers, hernia and sterility; he understood that coffee was nothing but the Devil's ruse.

My Name is Red

In actuality, we don't look for smiles in pictures of bliss, but rather, for the happiness in life itself. Painters know this, but this is preciously what they cannot depict. That's why they substitute the joy of seeing for the joy of life.

My Name is Red

I control the world so long as I can name it. Which is why children must chase language before they do anything else, tame the wilderness by describing it, challenge God by learning His hundred names.

Moon Tiger

I’d like to invent a product that’ll turn 18-year-olds into 21-year-olds, and sell it in front of bars.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

Irish I were I wish, so being drunk all the time would be socially acceptable.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

Arrogant and ignorant go together like peanut butter and jelly. Would you like a sandwich?

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

When some Jeff tries to be other Jeffs, ain’t no Jeffrey in the house to be found smiling. Also, there are no Jeffries in this house. 

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I keep a human brain in my pocket, because you never know when you’ll never know.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

It’s sad to see a restaurant go out of business because the owner died, after being cannibalized by hungry customers.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

Tonight I’m on Meow Patrol. Do you have a fur coat I can borrow?

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

In the absence of a cat, I’d consider cuddling with a synthetic fur coat. Especially if your dead grandma was wearing it.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I don’t drink coffee. Sorry, I don’t mean to burden you with my personal problems.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I once took a vow of silence that lasted almost two years. Then, on my second birthday, I relented and started talking.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I’d like to sit around a campfire with a couple of cowboys and argue over who’s going to turn on the stove. 

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

My bed feels empty without my ex wife in it. Also, I’m not in it, so that’s probably why it feels so empty.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

As soon as we met, she probably imagined herself marrying me. Then within five minutes, she was probably already envisioning divorce.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

He told me he was getting married, and I told him I approved of his upcoming divorce.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I felt like eating steak, but instead I took my cow for a walk. I mean dog.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I have family all over. And when they’re all over, I leave the house and go anywhere else. 

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I never knew my father. I saw him at a party once, but he never walked over and introduced himself to me.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You

I possess an object that reminds me of your stepdad’s bowel movements. It’s brown and squishy and smells like yesterday.

The Merits of Marthaism, and How Being Named Susan Can Benefit You