Tom Reagan: [on finding someone sitting in the dark in his apartment] Hello Bernie. Bernie: Hello Tom. What's the rumpus? How'd you know it was me? Tom Reagan: You're the only one I know who'd knock and then break in. Bernie: Your other friends would...
Rizzo the Rat: Light the lamp, not the rat, light the lamp, not the rat! Put me out, put me out, put me out! Gonzo: Oh! My apologies! Um... [Suddenly spotting a barrel of water below the lamp post] Gonzo: Rizzo! Rizzo the Rat: What? ["Mr Dickens" pus...
Dr. Will Gruber: When did you begin to believe you were Jesus? John Oldman: When did you begin to believe you were a psychiatrist? Dr. Will Gruber: Since I graduated from Harvard Medical School and finished my residency, I've had that feeling. Why I ...
Pita: That's "Bird" Emilio forgot to take him with when he left. Creasy: Who's Emilio? Pita: My last bodyguard. He drove me to school in the morning and picked me up in the afternoon Creasy: I'm here for you? Pita: In between you can take Mum shoppin...
Celia: [wearing a cone after being treated by the CDA] Last night was one of the worst nights of my entire life, bar none! [the snakes on her hair, also wearing cones, pop out to hiss at Mike] Celia: I thought you cared about me. Mike: Honey, please....
Sam: I feel I'm in a real family now. Not like yours, but similar to one. Suzy: I always wished I was an orphan. Most of my favorite characters are. I think your lives are more special. Sam: I love you, but you don't know what you're talking about. S...
Sam: Why do you consider me your enemy? Redford: Because your girlfriend stabbed me in the back with lefty scissors. Sam: She's my wife now. Redford: Congratulations! Sam: Thank you. But I'm saying before that, six weeks ago, from day one, why didn't...
Betty Elms: [opens door] Yes? May I help you? Louise Bonner: Someone is in trouble. Who are you? What are you doing in Ruth's apartment? Betty Elms: She's letting me stay here. I'm her niece. My name's Betty. Louise Bonner: No, it's not. That's not w...
Professor Henry Higgins: May I ask, do you complain of your treatment here? Eliza Doolittle: No. Professor Henry Higgins: Has anyone behaved badly? Colonel Pickering, Mrs. Pearce? Eliza Doolittle: No. Professor Henry Higgins: You certainly don't pret...
Eliza Doolittle: [crying] What's to become of me, what's to become of me? Professor Henry Higgins: You know Eliza, you might marry. Not all men are confirmed old bachelors like me and the colonel, most are the marrying sort. And you're not bad lookin...
Chien-Po: [singing] I'm never gonna catch my breath! Yao: Say goodbye to those who knew me! Ling: Boy was I a fool in school for cutting gym! Mushu: [speak-singing] This guy's got her scared to death! Mulan: [singing] Hope he doesn't see right throug...
Fa Zhou: I am ready to serve the emperor. Mulan: Father! You can't go! Fa Zhou: Mulan! Mulan: Please, sir. My father has already fought for... Chi Fu: Silence! You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence. Fa Zhou: ...
Max Jerry Horovitz: I have also invented some new words. "Confuzzled", which is being confused and puzzled at the same time, "snirt", which is a cross between snow and dirt, and "smushables", which are squashed groceries you find at the bottom of the...
Max Jerry Horovitz: Tell Bernie Clifford your birth mark is made of chocolate, which means when you get to heaven you will be in charge of all the chocolate. This of course is a lie, I do not like lies, but in this case I think it will be of benefit....
Janeway: [tantrums] Shit! [Janeway arrives back at Szell's hideout where Karl and Erhard are waiting; Janeway is revealed as a double agent, which horrifies Babe even more] Babe: [screams to Janeway] I saw you kill them! You killed them! You killed t...
Tony Clifton: Can I use the bathroom? I may have shit my pants. Security Guard: Not on the lot. Tony Clifton: Drink of water? Security Guard: [shakes head] Tony Clifton: Aspirin? Security Guard: [shakes head] Tony Clifton: Moist Towelette? Security G...
Nemo age 5: Everything we see exists, we can see it. I can see mommy's eyes, but I can't see my eyes. The little baby can see his hands, but he cannot see himself. So, does he really exist? Do I really exist? Nemo's Mother: [appears from behind a she...
Mary Poppins: [watching Bert, Albert, Jane, and Michael laugh together on the ceiling] Why, it's the most disgraceful sight I've ever seen, or my name isn't Mary Poppins. Bert: Speakin' o' names, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith. Uncle Albe...
Gil: Gil Pender. Ernest Hemingway: Hemingway. Gil: Hemingway? Ernest Hemingway: You liked my book? Gil: Liked? I loved all of your work. Ernest Hemingway: Yes. It was a good book because it was an honest book, and that's what war does to men. And the...
Jack Walsh: I know my rights. You owe me phone calls. Alonzo Mosely: What should be of paramount importance to you right now is not the phone calls, it's the fact that you're gonna spend ten years for impersonating a federal agent. Jack Walsh: 10 yea...
Jonathan Mardukas: What's the name of this establishment? Red Wood: Red's Corner Bar. Jonathan Mardukas: Are you Red? Red Wood: Yes. Jonathan Mardukas: Do you dye your hair? Red Wood: No. [pause] Jonathan Mardukas: Why do they call you Red? Red Wood:...
