Tom Cassidy: I'm buying this house for my baby's wedding present. Forty thousand dollars, cash! Now, that's... not buying happiness. That's just... buying off unhappiness. [waves money in front of Marion] Tom Cassidy: I never carry more than I can af...
Macaulay Connor: What's this? Is it my book? C. K. Dexter Haven: Yes. Macaulay Connor: C. K. Dexter Haven you have unsuspected depth! C. K. Dexter Haven: Thanks, old chap. Macaulay Connor: But have you read it? C. K. Dexter Haven: When I was trying t...
Glen: Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? W...
H.I.: What are you talkin' about, Glen? Glen: What am I talkin' about? I'm talkin' about sex, boy, what the hell you talkin' about? I'm talkin' about l'amour! I'm talkin' that me and Dot are swingers, as in "to swing." I'm talkin' about wife swappin'...
Mr. Pink: Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've been here a long fucking time and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled *six* times. Mr. Blonde: Six times. Well, what if she's too fucking busy? Mr. Pink: The words "t...
Rose Mather: People ask all the time what I learned in the camps. But the camps weren't therapy. What do you think these places were? Universities? We didn't go there to learn. One becomes very clear about these things. What are you asking for? Forgi...
Robin Hood: [after just swinging her to safety, he takes her hand] Marian, my love, will you marry me? Marian: Oh, darling, I thought you'd never ask me! [moves behind Robin Hood so he can continue to fight the Sheriff's men] Marian: [giggles] But yo...
Raymond: Gotta get my boxer shorts at K-Mart. Charlie: [Pulls over, gets out of the car and yells] WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE YOU BUY UNDERWEAR? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? UNDERWEAR IS UNDERWEAR! IT IS UNDERWEAR WHEREVER YOU BUY IT! IN CIN...
Sally Dibbs: Good Morning! Coffee? Raymond: [looks at her nametag] Sally Dibbs, Dibbs Sally. 461-0192. Sally Dibbs: How did you know my phone number? Charlie: How did you know that? Raymond: You said read the telephone book last night. Dibbs Sally. 4...
[Location: on a back road, nineteen minutes to eleven o'clock] Charlie: We're not in the air, we're not on the highway, I'm on some shit secondary road. I gotta make up some time. I have to get to LA, I should've been there this afternoon, my busines...
Trudy Cooper: [about being the wife of a test pilot] I went back east to a reunion and all my friends could talk about their husband's work. How "dog-eat-dog" and cutthroat it was on Madison Ave. Places like that. [under her breath] Trudy Cooper: Cut...
Blue Stanton: Coach we need a water break, we been out here all day! Coach Boone: What did you say? Blue Stanton: Said, we need a water break. Coach Boone: A water break? Water is for cowards. Water makes you weak. Water is for washing blood off that...
L.B. Jefferies' Editor: It's about time you got married, before you turn into a lonesome and bitter old man. Jeff: Yeah, can't you just see me, rushing home to a hot apartment to listen to the automatic laundry and the electric dishwasher and the gar...
John Doe: Realize detective, the only reason that I'm here right now is that I wanted to be. David Mills: No, no, we would have got you eventually. John Doe: Oh really? So, what were you doing? Biding your time? Toying with me? Allowing five innocent...
Police Captain: [to Mills] What do you think? David Mills: I'm in. Mark Swarr: It has to be both of you. William Somerset: If he were to claim insanity, this conversation is admissable. The fact that he's blackmailing us with his plea... Mark Swarr: ...
Admiral Piett: Lord Vader, our ships have completed their scan of the area and found nothing. If the Millennium Falcon went into light-speed, it'll be on the other side of the galaxy by now. Darth Vader: Alert all commands. Calculate every possible d...
Doyle: [shouting] We don't got no Goddamn band! We don't need to fucking practice, Randy! We don't no shit-ass manager neither! You motherfuckers! You all are a bunch of losers! I'm the only sane son-of-a-bitch here! So get the *fuck* out of my house...
The Professor: [inspecting the students' soufflés] Too low. Too pale. Too heavy. Too low. Too *high*, you are exaggerating. Fair. So-so. Sloppy. [he gets to the Baron] The Professor: Mm. Superb. My dear Baron, you have not lost your touch. [he looks...
Walt Disney: Please sit down. P.L. Travers: I shall not sit in the seat of a trickster! A fraudster! A sneak! Walt Disney: Mrs. Travers, what in the world has upset you so? P.L. Travers: Penguins have very much upset me! Animated, dancing penguins! N...
P.L. Travers: The rumor is that this is to be your Mr. Van Dyke, is it? Richard Sherman: We hope so. P.L. Travers: Hmm. We'll see about that, he's totally wrong. Totally and utterly. Robert Sherman: Dick is one of the greats! P.L. Travers: Dick Van D...
Borg Queen: Brave words. I've heard them before, from thousands of species across thousands of worlds, since long before you were created. But, now they are all Borg. Lieutenant Commander Data: I am unlike any lifeform you have encountered before. Th...
